The 24 excuses Team Trump has used to explain Donald Trump’s alleged sexual assaults

Donald Trump’s sexual assault allegations aren’t a “he-said, she-said” situation. Or his word against theirs.

Trump, in a now infamous 2005 tape with soon-to-be unemployed Today show host Billy Bush, outlined what appeared to be his strategy for sexual assault — grab them by their genitalia and start kissing them on the mouth. Within a week, multiple women have come forward and corroborated his statements.

This is a case of he said, they agreed.

And in the face of multiple sexual assault allegations from women all over the country, Donald Trump and his surrogates are determined to create, find, and use every defense they can think of to exonerate the Republican nominee for president. Here they are:

• Actually, everyone is attracted to children. (In response to a tape where Trump tells a 10-year-old girl he’ll be dating her in 10 years.)
• Trump does not sit alone at clubs
• Not all planes have moveable armrests.
• She’s not good-looking enough to sexually assault.
• She actually might have wanted it.
• None of them are reasonable women.
• Perhaps you’ve heard of ISIS?
• Speaking of ISIS, we have a secret plan to defeat them that we’re holding on to. By the way, we also have crucial evidence that will dismantle these allegations, but we’re holding on to that too.
• Trump is honest about everything, except when he lies about sexual assaulting people.
• Trump is actually a Casanova.
• Trump is an alpha-male; this is how they act.
• Bad boys, am I right?
• Because Hillary Clinton.
• Because Bill Clinton.
• Because “I” didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.
• Because Jewish people “international banks.”
• Because it’s the establishment and GOP members like Paul Ryan.
• Because “locker room talk.”
• Because people enjoy 50 Shades of Grey, rap music and Beyoncé, they aren’t allowed to say they don’t like sexual assault.
• A Mexican billionaire is behind the allegations.
• Trump’s accusers want to be famous.
• It’s just words. Words don’t matter.
• I’m not a lawyer.
• These things may have happened decades ago, but that doesn’t count because no one spoke out at the time.

As reported on Friday, Trump is planning to attack billionaire Carlos Slim and link him to the sexual assault allegations, saying that Slim is influencing the New York Times’ coverage. Meanwhile, there’s a report that Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence, said the campaign has obtained crucial evidence that will exonerate Trump, though it’s mystifying why, if they had it, they would just hang on to it and not immediately reveal said evidence.

It’s unclear if the evidence Pence is talking about is the Slim attack strategy. But nevertheless, we’ll keep this list updated.

Watch: Dear GOP, only now you realize Trump is sexist?

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