When former NBA star Dwyane Wade opened up on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Tuesday about his 12-year-old daughter coming out as transgender, I was blown away by the honesty and care shown on my TV screen.
“We are proud parents of a child in the LGBTQ+ community and we’re proud allies as well. And we take our roles and our responsibilities as parents very seriously,” Wade told Ellen. “Zion, born as a boy, came home and said, ‘Hey, so I want to talk to you guys. I think going forward I am ready to live my truth. I want to be referenced as ‘she’ and ‘her.’ I would love for you guys to call me Zaya.’” In response, Wade said it’s their job as parents to get information so their child can be “her best self.”
As a black trans woman and author, I found the moment nothing short of groundbreaking. Black athletes don’t have the best track record with LGBTQ acceptance, and a stigma still persists in the black community around queerness and transness, especially among older generations. Many black trans people like myself have long hoped for the day when black athletes, with their platform and influence on the black community, can openly date a trans woman and openly accept their trans child.
Watching Wade, I couldn’t help but think about my father, who has accepted my trans identity and sexuality since I was a teenager, and how I have been very lucky. He defended me once when I was misgendered at a YMCA. I was wearing makeup and feminine clothing, and a woman at the front desk looked at me confused. Then she turned to my father and asked if I was his son. My father quickly responded, “This is my daughter!” To have my father in my corner made me feel not only loved but safe. He’s since told me that accepting me as I am “is just the right thing to do because I love you.”
Not every trans black person can say they have a father like mine, or like Wade. It’s unfortunately rare. According to the Human Rights Campaign’s 2019 Black and African American LGBTQ Youth Report, 77 percent of black youth said they have heard family members say negative things about LGBTQ people, 47 percent have been taunted or mocked by family for being LGBTQ, and only 19 percent can “definitely” be themselves at home. Sixty-seven percent of black trans youth specifically say their families make them feel bad because of their trans identity. As a result, 80 percent say they feel depressed or down because of the lack of acceptance. According to the LGBTQ Task Force, nearly half of black transgender people have attempted suicide.
To make matters worse, many state legislatures continue to introduce bills that would harm trans children. In Kentucky, for example, three anti-trans bills are slated for this year’s session: one that bars trans students from using shared bathrooms and locker rooms that correspond with their gender; one that would prohibit trans girls from joining women’s sports teams; and one that would make it a felony for medical professionals to prescribe medicine and perform surgeries for trans minors that would help them with transition. With at least 10 other states trying to push similar anti-trans bills, showing support for trans children in schools, in the home, and in public platforms can be a matter of life or death.
Accepting black families are out there, of course, but we just don’t see them often in the media. The most prominent example that comes to mind is Magic Johnson, who supported his queer son EJ when he came out publicly in 2013. But for black trans kids, there aren’t many examples of accepting fathers, nor are there enough black trans adults to look up to as a source of inspiration, guidance, and reassurance.
But it wasn’t just Wade opening up about Zaya that made his moment on Ellen important for families, trans or not, to witness — it was the action behind it.
Wade said on Ellen that he told Zaya, “You are our leader, and this is our opportunity to allow you to be a voice.” Wade not only listened to his daughter, he uplifted her. He didn’t question or doubt her; he accepted and believed her. It also touched me when Wade said that his wife, actress Gabrielle Union, looked to the cast of Pose for some guidance. Not only was that a testament to the power of the show itself — a drama about New York City’s African American and Latino ballroom scene that features the largest cast of transgender actors ever to appear on television — but also in the power of asking for help in better understanding girls like us.
What’s perhaps most important is that Wade and Union seem committed to showing continued public support for their daughter and speaking out about trans acceptance. Last year, in an interview on Showtime’s All the Smoke podcast, Wade used she/her pronouns to talk about Zaya, without having to describe or disclose a specific gender-identity label for her. Wade also showed his support by sharing on Instagram a photo of her at Miami Beach Pride.
On the day the Ellen episode aired, Union also posted a video on Twitter that read: “Meet Zaya. She’s compassionate, loving, whip smart and we are so proud of her. It’s Ok to listen to, love & respect your children exactly as they are.” In the video, we see Zaya sitting beside her father, speaking about being “true to yourself” and asking, “What’s the point in being on this earth if you’re going to try to be someone you’re not?”
With a high-profile black family such as Wade and Union’s accepting their trans child in the public eye, we can only hope that more families follow suit — and do their best to learn and center their child’s experience.
