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The Fourth of July is already a ripe time for online humor, but on this particular independence week, the internet went all out to prove that America truly is the land of the meme and the home of the ideologically divided.
The week’s reigning internet furor centered on President Trump tweeting an anti-CNN wrestling GIF that originated from a right-wing extremist troll on Reddit, followed by the debate over CNN’s decision to track down the GIF’s creator and, so some argued, threaten to out his real-life identity.
Meanwhile, when we weren’t divided over the meaning of the Trump GIF and CNN’s response, we were divided over the Declaration of Independence. A meme involving the Hollywood Walk of Fame saucily questioned who our president is, while the late-week news that Hobby Lobby had been smuggling ancient artifacts, possibly looted from Iraq, briefly united us in amused bafflement once again.
And if all that wasn’t enough activity, the Kardashians then entered the picture.
Here’s what you might have missed on the internet while you were off shooting fireworks.
Trump supporters spent America’s birthday fighting with the Declaration of Independence
In one of those moments of surreality that nearly defy description, some online Trump supporters spent the Fourth of July in a state of hostility directed at the foundational document of American freedom.
It started when NPR’s Twitter feed spent the Fourth tweeting the entirety of the Declaration of Independence, line by line, in one massive thread:
241 years ago today, church bells rang out over Philadelphia as the Declaration of Independence was adopted https://t.co/PAcHgLqOUE
— NPR (@NPR) July 4, 2017
All was going well — human events were coursed, truths were held to be self-evident, and patriots were roused to alter their former Systems of Government — but some watching the display began accusing NPR of calling for a revolution against Trump.
So, NPR is calling for revolution.
— D.G.Davies (@JustEsrafel) July 4, 2017
Interesting way to condone the violence while trying to sound "patriotic".
Your implications are clear.
Others seemed mad that NPR was promoting “trash”:
Seriously, this is the dumbest idea I have ever seen on twitter. Literally no one is going to read 5000 tweets about this trash.
— Darren Mills (@darren_mills) July 4, 2017
This rhetoric baffled onlookers, but it really escalated when the Declaration of Independence threw a hefty amount of shade at King George III. (That’s this guy, for anyone who needs a refresher.)
A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
— NPR (@NPR) July 4, 2017
Trump detractors rallied around the quote as newly prophetic, while one reader, who later deleted their account, begged NPR to stop:
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The resulting debate led to media outlets reprinting the declaration in full, and revived this story from the era of McCarthyism, when a reporter attempted to get modern patriots to sign the document in defense of freedom, only to receive disbelief and ridicule:
The reaction to @NPR's Declaration of Independence tweets reminds me of this classic from the era of McCarthyism: https://t.co/33IMVyj0OO pic.twitter.com/fw08PI1PHF
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) July 5, 2017
In the middle of ongoing debates over politically motivated doxxing and the meaning of true patriotism, it was nice to have a reminder that the basic ideas underlying the Declaration of Independence are still considered as radical today as they were in 1776.
there's nothing more american than getting pissed because you think the declaration of independence is shitting on the president pic.twitter.com/gkWSTR8SIY
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) July 4, 2017
Meanwhile in Hollywood, no one knows who the president even is
Because everything is now a meme, a Trump supporter who stopped to clean Donald Trump’s defaced star on the Walk of Fame kicked off a meme in which Walk of Fame stars all became president.
Stopped to clean @realDonaldTrump Hollywood Star. Nothing but respect for MY President. #RaisedRight pic.twitter.com/jL4sqx4rlh
— Makenna (@makenna_mg) June 28, 2017
Makenna’s defiant ceremony of star cleaning spawned a flurry of immediate viral responses:
Stopped to clean @MerylStreep Hollywood Star. Nothing but respect for MY President. #RaisedRight pic.twitter.com/sqLsZ70bul
— jake stubbs (@jake__stubbs) July 1, 2017
stopped to clean @DannyDeVito Hollywood star. nothing but respect for MY president pic.twitter.com/RYY2p3dlmw
— biryani mamí (@suhnahlay) July 2, 2017
Stopped to clean his sign. Nothing but respect for my president. pic.twitter.com/RZGviSthhm
— Jon Wienke (@Jon_Wienke) July 2, 2017
Even if you didn’t confuse your favorite star with your president, the meme was still useful:
This s Kenanu Reeeves star of famous he's not President but he's a cool dude with a cool 'tude. I would clean it but I live in New York eyyy pic.twitter.com/ytKakwUk08
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2017
If nothing else, the intersection of celebrity and politics that defines the Trump presidency continues to be fertile ground for silly patriotic humor.
Rob Kardashian posted revenge porn of his ex, Blac Chyna, on Instagram. And that was just the beginning.
On Wednesday, Rob Kardashian posted a series of revealing nude photos of his ex Blac Chyna on Instagram. This is an act of harassment and intimidation that’s commonly referred to as revenge porn, and it’s actually illegal in California, Kardashian’s home state. Instagram responded to the violation of its site rules after a few dramatic hours by completely deleting Kardashian’s account — after which Kardashian promptly popped up on Twitter, where he’d previously been a relatively infrequent tweeter.
Since Instagram shut me down everyone peep my twitter lol
— ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) July 5, 2017
When Rob Kardashian Instagram got shut everyone Got on Twitter like pic.twitter.com/NSZ8hBkC0q
— Black Jesus (@Bngajj) July 5, 2017
As Kardashian began to tweet defenses of himself and his perception of his betrayal at Chyna’s hands (it’s complicated), other Twitter users pointed out that the move had negative implications for Twitter culture.
Twitter should be super embarrassed it's so bad at harassment it's now the revenge porn go-to! https://t.co/2w64Y8fNrz
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) July 5, 2017
Business Insider claims that Kardashian actually tweeted out some of the nude photos and kept them on his Twitter for up to half an hour before they were deleted, though apart from a few tweets, there don’t seem to be any screengrabs or other corroborating evidence to back that claim. Twitter appears to have taken no action against Kardashian.
The internet had no idea what to do with the news about Hobby Lobby
Thanks to a government order to forfeit stolen artifacts, the world learned this week that Hobby Lobby had been smuggling possibly looted artifacts out of Iraq, likely for use in its planned Bible Museum. The news, which potentially implicates Hobby Lobby in tacitly funding ISIS, was weird and startling enough to turn heads.
GUYS—Hobby Lobby's president has personally been smuggling cuneiform tablets disguised as tile “samples” out of Iraq https://t.co/bJ5COFlPuF pic.twitter.com/eihFMod8J3
— Harry Siegel (@harrysiegel) July 5, 2017
However, it didn’t take long for the internet to seize upon the news’s potential for memes and humor.
Love to shop at Hobby Lobby pic.twitter.com/D64VEMGLed
— Sam Adams (@SamuelAAdams) July 5, 2017
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Hobby Lobby smuggling ancient Iraqi artifacts into the US: pic.twitter.com/7YhIXPQrmx
— Julia Reinstein (@juliareinstein) July 5, 2017
I can't wait for the Mummy reboot where an ancient horror is unleashed in a Hobby Lobby in Tulsa. https://t.co/fXgAmaGCBO
— Jamie Ford (@JamieFord) July 5, 2017
Of course, there were some who took the humor too far:
Do NOT underestimate Hobby Lobby's craftiness.
— Rob Major (@RobMajor4) July 6, 2017
I'll show myself out.
Eastern vs. Western Conference memes briefly united sports fans
If your head is reeling from all the week’s drama, fear not — sports fandom is here to give you a respite.
With Paul George moving West, only 1 of the top 14 players in last year’s #NBARank will be in the Eastern Conference. pic.twitter.com/xmexPKuWxB
— ESPN (@espn) July 1, 2017
After ESPN pointed out that there’s currently a slight, erm, disparity in the talent migrating between the Eastern and Western NBA conferences, basketball fans began to illustrate the differences more clearly:
NBA West vs NBA East pic.twitter.com/JO3XG520Zu
— Auston Goatthews (@TheHockeyGhostt) July 1, 2017
Western Conference vs Eastern Conference battles to make the playoffs pic.twitter.com/cAKYk89IND
— Hoops Reference (@RTHoopsTalk) July 3, 2017
LeBron in the Eastern Conference All-Star locker room next year: pic.twitter.com/BSiMh60Zx3
— X. (@thedreamer___) July 1, 2017
At least sports fans in the Eastern Conference can look forward to memes like this all season long.
Twitter’s Medieval Death Bot will remind you things could be worse
The Twitter bot DeathMedieval has been attracting recent attention for its unexpected popularity, especially given its morbid purpose: The bot tweets out the actual causes of death of unlucky citizens in the Middle Ages.
William Bachelor, died 1396 when a sand pit he was sleeping under fell upon him and killed him by misadventure
— Medieval Death Bot (@DeathMedieval) June 30, 2017
The bot has a tendency to tweet out all of the known information about the deaths, which are taken from medieval coroners’ rolls and weirdly often include the price of the killer instrument:
Hugh de Leghe, died 1343, smote by Richard de Langeleghe in the throat with a bodkin worth one penny
— Medieval Death Bot (@DeathMedieval) July 3, 2017
A stranger, died 1304 by a certain stick made in the shape of a fist with a sharp iron on the head. For the stick, 1d.
— Medieval Death Bot (@DeathMedieval) June 27, 2017
A child, died~1300 after being struck accidentally with a stick by a woman in a quarrel with another woman. Price of the stick is not named
— Medieval Death Bot (@DeathMedieval) July 3, 2017
The bot was created in 2013 but has gained steam in recent weeks, garnering several thousand followers over the past month thanks to increased notice from Twitter’s horror community. The total follower count currently stands at more than 22,000. And it’s easy to see why: These doomed peasants are all of us.
Margery Golde, died 1297, burned to death after a night of being “drunk beyond measure”, her bed catching fire in her slumber
— Medieval Death Bot (@DeathMedieval) August 19, 2016
Same, same.