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During the third and final presidential debate, Donald Trump flubbed a question about the Syrian city of Aleppo so badly that an apt metaphor for what viewers had just witnessed began to take shape on Twitter:
@Mikel_Jollett Yeah this is a policy debate which is Clinton's home turf. Trump sounds like a kid who didn't do a book report.#debatenight
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) October 20, 2016
Trump is the kid who didn't read the Aleppo chapter but has to give the book report now.
— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) October 20, 2016
Trump's foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn't read the book. "Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!"
— Antonio French (@AntonioFrench) October 20, 2016
One tweet in particular, from St. Louis city alderman and popular Twitter commentator Antonio French, quickly went viral and ultimately spawned a hashtag: #TrumpBookReport. Before long, the hashtag — a rare example of a genuinely funny use of the form — had achieved “worldwide trending topic” status, which it retained for the rest of of debate night and much of the next morning.
Some of the results are well worth reading. But in the event that you’re too busy to scroll through thousands of tweets, here are the five most frequently (and hilariously) referenced books and their Trumpian interpretations.
1) A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: good times, bad times
It was the best of times. Absolutely phenomenal. It was the worst of times. Total disaster. #TrumpBookReport
— Ben (@noblerzen) October 20, 2016
It was the best of times. The best! Was it the worst of times? WRONG! It was the best. I have hotels in those two cities. #TrumpBookReport
— Leanna Renee Hieber (@Leannarenee) October 20, 2016
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I NEVER SAID IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES! #TrumpBookReport
— Dan Goldstein (@dggoldst) October 20, 2016
#TrumpBookReport "Dickens.This guy ... crazy. He couldn't even work out if it was the best of times or the worst. Total loser. Sad."
— Scott Jenkins (@JournoJenkins67) October 20, 2016
2) To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: a failed bird-killing attempt by the Democratic Party
Hilary had 30 years To Kill A Mockingbird, and she failed. A disaster! I know mockingbirds, I'll launch a sneak attack #TrumpBookReport
— Dean Nimbly (@Dean_Nimbly) October 20, 2016
"TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD? Believe me-if those mockingbirds had guns they wouldn't have been killed."#TrumpBookReport
— Gloria Bernstein (@GloriaBB2) October 20, 2016
"Know why Atticus didn't kill the mockingbird? Because he was weak! Sad! America doesn't need a finch, it needs an eagle!" #trumpbookreport
— boo!shop (@ajaromano) October 20, 2016
.@AntonioFrench You want to kill a mockingbird, I can kill a mockingbird, i’m the only person who can handle ISIS #TrumpBookReport
— Ken (@TCBullfrog) October 20, 2016
3) War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: Vladimir Putin
War & Peace? I like war. Peace? Have you seen it? Meh, it would not be my first choice, believe me. #TrumpBookReport
— TanGyal (@TanGyal) October 20, 2016
War and Peace. Fat book. Russia is great at war, peace not so much. Putin will help me destroy ISIS. It will be tremendous. #TrumpBookReport
— Robert Weik (@RobertWeik) October 20, 2016
War & Peace: I didn't support the war and there's no evidence Russia is involved in this story. #TrumpBookReport
— Dex Torricke-Barton (@DexBarton) October 20, 2016
War&Peace I'll let you know what I think about it when my great friend Putin tells me who won the war #TrumpBookReport
— angela blair (@angelabdc) October 20, 2016
4) The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: whether some guy named Gatsby was truly great or just threw overrated parties
You're telling me that Gatsby is great? Wrong. Terrible driver. Weird parties. No, he's not great. Trust me folks. #TrumpBookReport
— Zoo With Roy (@zoowithroy) October 20, 2016
Great Gatsby? Not so great. Not. So. Great. Believe me. Lost everything for Daisy. Not even a 10. My voice is full of money #trumpbookreport
— Wajahat Ali (@WajahatAli) October 20, 2016
.@AntonioFrench Gatsby was great, like i’m great, I’m going to make America great again, did you know Obama created ISIS #TrumpBookReport
— Ken (@TCBullfrog) October 20, 2016
Gatsby was great, but he would have been so much greater if he'd just listened to me. #TrumpBookReport
— StealthBadger (@stealthbadger) October 20, 2016
5) Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: our nation’s culinary betrayal at the hands of a devious rebel named Sam
"This guy Sam says he likes green eggs & ham. Then he doesn't. That's why America doesn't win any more. No leadership.Sad!" #Trumpbookreport
— Michael Cohen (@speechboy71) October 20, 2016
No one makes eggs greener than me. Or ham. I make them green. Not Sam. Not Hillary. No 1 has greener eggs and ham than me. #TrumpBookReport
— Sunset Flip (@monkeysilog) October 20, 2016
"I can tell you this much: if I were preparing the eggs and ham they be prepared properly. They would not be green." #TrumpBookReport
— Sam Yates (@SamuelYates) October 20, 2016
I do not like green eggs and ham. They bring drugs, they bring crime. They're rapists. I do not like them, Sam I Am. #TrumpBookReport
— Scott John (@Scott_John) October 20, 2016
Bonus: Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë
What this book could be about, based on Trumpian logic: sexual assault
WUTHERING HEIGHTS. That Heathcliff was a loser. He should’ve just grabbed Catherine by the pussy. #TrumpBookReport
— TheUnicornWhisperer (@mrthnsufferings) October 20, 2016
As you can see, the most enjoyable (or at least cathartic) aspect of #TrumpBookReport is not the rudimentary takes on the books themselves, but the way people are using the hashtag to express their frustration with the current election cycle. Tremendous!
