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Why Nintendo’s Toad is in the news, and why he doesn’t deserve this

Turn back now, before it’s too late!

What does Toad look like to you?

If you, like many Americans who use social media, woke up this morning wondering why Toad — the beloved Nintendo character and Mushroom Kingdom institution — was trending, our advice is to let yourself believe it’s because Nintendo of America is doing another “Toad Takeover” promotion and pay it no more mind. Just trust us.

However, if you already have an inkling of why Toad is suddenly trending and you need a little more context, well, we’re sorry, but we’re here for you.

This story begins with the Guardian publishing excerpts from porn actress and director Stormy Daniels’s forthcoming tell-all book, Full Disclosure, about her alleged past affair with Donald Trump. The book apparently contains a graphic description of a sexual encounter with Trump, including a detailed description of the president’s penis.

I’m about to quote it. You’ve been warned.

“It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool,” Daniels writes. “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”

Though the book also contains mentions of Daniels’s impression that Trump never wanted to be president, and of her $130,000 hush agreement, it’s the description of Trump’s genitalia that has dominated the discussion around the excerpts.

For those of you who have never touched a Nintendo console in your life, Toad is indeed a little mushroom man, whose mushroom cap (ugh) was confirmed to be part of his head and not just a hat by Super Mario Odyssey producer Yoshiaki Koizumi earlier this year.

And while he’s a bit gormless, Toad doesn’t deserve to be a part of this discourse: He is a perfectly fine playable character in Mario Kart, he runs Mario Party, and he generally tries to help out in every other Mario franchise game, going all the way back to 1985’s Super Mario Bros.

Personal character aside, though, the Toad news has prompted some upset from people who have never wanted to imagine the subject of Daniels’s comparison (as well as some cursory speculation that Twitter icon dril may truly be some kind of prophet).

And now you know why Toad is trending. Don’t say you weren’t warned. We leave you with this video of Toad screaming for two minutes straight:

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