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Courier-loving Trump claims he knows ‘things that other people don’t know’ about hacking

In yet another unproven claim, he said he will reveal all later this week.

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The name is Trump. Cyberexpert Trump.
Kevin Winter / Getty

Last night, President-elect Donald Trump made a series of unusual — okay, outright outlandish — claims about hacking and computers that only served to make what has become a thorny issue for his incipient administration much worse.

According to pool reports, Trump continued to try to undercut substantive worries about Russian interference in the election by essentially saying no one — including intelligence agencies, all of whom posit that Russia did engage in hacking — can ever know exactly what happened.

“I just want them to be sure, because it’s a pretty serious charge,” said Trump about the CIA, the FBI and everyone else with cyber expertise, who all agree Russia was involved. “I think it’s unfair if they don’t know.”

Except him apparently, because having zero tech background except a peculiar talent for writing mean tweets qualifies him as a cyber security expert.

No, really, he is, according to him. “And I know a lot about hacking. And hacking is a very hard thing to prove. So it could be somebody else,” he said, all duded up in a tux, looking like James Bond. “And I also know things that other people don’t know, and so they cannot be sure of the situation.”

Trump then claimed he would reveal all on Tuesday or Wednesday, as if we were all living in some really bad season of “Homeland.”

All I know: Get me Carrie Mathison, stat!

But Trump did not stop at that, sounding like your really ill-informed uncle at the holidays.

“I don’t care what they say, no computer is safe,” said Trump, who has previously claimed the hack of DNC servers could have been done by “someone sitting on their bed weighing 400 pounds.”

Then Trump dragged his 10-year-old son — whose tech skills he has touted before — into the controversy. “I have a boy who’s 10 years old; he can do anything with a computer,” he said about Barron.

And then even more, giving out a tip on how to avoid potential hackers like, say, his own child: “You want something to really go without detection, write it out and have it sent by courier.”

Courier? Courier? Let me just express my incredulity again: Courier?!?!!?

By the way, couriers can be hacked — see the Revolutionary War — pretty easily, especially if they are riding horses.

It’s all just another feint in Trump’s efforts to try to dismiss the serious issue of Russian hacking by sowing unsubstantiated doubt into the situation. Earlier this week, he issued a statement that we all should “move on” from the topic. Of course, what else would he say, since allegations that he got his job in part due to the nefarious efforts of Russian leader Vladimir Putin undercut his authority drastically.

Trump has made that notion worse by tweeting a series of mash tweets praising Putin, even as the Obama administration aimed a series of retaliatory measures against Russia over the situation, including the expulsion of 35 diplomats suspected of intelligence-gathering violations.

It’s nice to know that top Silicon Valley leaders were heartened by Trump’s tech knowledge at their meeting with him recently.

I am being sarcastic here, but let’s let former Congressman John Dingell have the floor again on this in the most perfect mean tweet about Trump’s latest hacking statements:

This article originally appeared on

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