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Chuck Tingle, best known as the internet’s foremost purveyor of Bigfoot erotica and billionaire Tyrannosaurus porn, and more recently known for saving the Hugo Awards, has done it again.
After what we might deem a successful live blog of the debate...
main event HILL CLINTONS VS. DOMALD TROMP begins now as the audience snarls and claws the air, frothing at the mouth for flesh of the void
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
creature of the void DOM TROMP invokes HILL CLINTONS 30 years experience as top wizard. seams in human suit beginning to split
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
...America’s favorite author of absurdist erotica looked to expand his political commentary. He found the perfect target.
Turns out the URL TrumpDebateFacts.com was just sitting around unclaimed, so Tingle snatched it up and proceeded to work his mysterious magical blend of satire, hyperbole, progressive outrage, and bizarre fantasy into an irresistible manifesto for the internet’s #NeverTrump contingent (and Trump fans with a sense of humor).
Piggybacking on the many, many calls for the Republican presidential nominee to start telling the truth for once, Tingle’s website purports to fact-check Trump’s many claims. It also features a portrait of a black-eyed demon Trump sporting crustacean-like claws and tentacles that could only belong to some hellish sea monster.
Aren’t you enjoying this election season? I sure am.
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Most of the alleged Trump facts Tingle has taken it upon himself to correct deal with Trump’s attempts to conceal his alien origins from humanity.
"I am not a poorly disguised mass of crabs wearing the skin of bloated human," reads one debunked fact. Tingle has rated this alleged claim by Trump false, and it’s easy to see why, since the picture above clearly shows that Trump is a Cthulhu-like spawn of the unbearable abyss.
Tingle further critiques Trump’s affiliation with the Great Old Ones by claiming that the hotel magnate tried and failed to build hotels in the "horrific cosmic abyss." He also alleged Trump will cause you to "implode with cosmic horror" should you look upon his true face, and that Trump himself is in fact a "swarm of bloodthirsty crustaceans" that comprise "a bubbling mass of screaming, Racist Void crabs," all of whom are "wearing the skin of bloated human."
While many of these claims are unsubstantiated, Tingle insists that he has videotaped proof of Trump telling voters to remove their skins, and I’m inclined to believe his assertion that Trump devoured the souls of the homeless in order to "retain [his] fading youth and repair the seams in [his] human suit." After all, Trump may continually lie to us, but the author of Slammed in the Butt By Domald Tromp's Attempt to Avoid Accusations of Plagiarism by Removing All Facts or Concrete Plans From His Republican National Convention Speech has never steered us wrong.
Parody aside, it’s supremely satisfying to see Tingle using the tenets of Lovecraftian weird fiction — dark, unspeakable horrors (which are mostly just sea monsters) creeping out from the unfathomable ocean or the endless cosmos — in order to combat a politician whose racist rhetoric has introduced actual Nazi propaganda into the election and aligned him with actual white supremacists.
Not only is ridicule on this scale the perfect way to fight the insidious horror that lies behind this kind of political campaign, but it’s also a perfect repudiation of Lovecraft’s own intense levels of white supremacy, Naziism, and racism, which found its way again and again into his works.
It’s an appropriate way to, as Tingle might say, nail two devilmen with one pounding.
