These days, every celebrity on the planet has a Donald Trump story to tell. That’s hardly surprising, because we can only assume meeting celebrities is one of Trump’s favorite things — how else will he assure us all later that they’re very good friends of his? — but Aubrey Plaza’s Trump tale might be my new favorite.
WHEN I FIRST MET DONALD TRUMP. #me=insidethatnoddytheelfhead #$ pic.twitter.com/s3xAYAHl31— Aubrey Plaza (@evilhag) October 28, 2015
As you can see in the photo above, it involves Plaza trapped within the head of a grinning (and terrifying) putty-colored elf puppet, a red-faced Trump, and a traumatized little boy.
On The Late Show Tuesday night, Plaza explained the story to host Stephen Colbert. One of her first jobs was to entertain at New York City children’s parties as Noddy the Elf, of the Canadian TV show Noddy. Per Wikipedia, one of Noddy’s catchphrases is "What in tarnation?!" so I encourage you to imagine Audrey Plaza repeating that line with great feeling.
During a party at F.A.O. Schwarz, Plaza’s boss informed her that she had to get a picture with Donald Trump or she would be fired. (Unexplained: why Trump was at a children’s party at F.A.O. Schwarz. Also: why Plaza’s boss needed this picture so badly. My working theory is that an elaborate blackmail scheme was involved.)
"I kept trying to get in there with him," Plaza said. "He kept shooing me away. He didn’t want the picture." (Because of the blackmail scheme?)
At last she resorted to the time-honored strategy beloved by every off-brand costumed character in Times Square: force. "I just forced my creepy elf arm around him and got that picture," she said.
While I’m glad that Aubrey Plaza’s boss got his photo in the end, I would humbly suggest that now is the time to use it in whatever blackmailing capacity he can. There’s still time to get Trump out of the race before election night!