Donald Trump's victory speech on Tuesday for Michigan and Mississippi devolved into a bizarre infomercial about former and current Trump products that Mitt Romney had insulted. And while many of Trump's claims during the speech were (as usual) factually questionable, they did provide Stephen Colbert with a major insight.
Colbert said on Wednesday's The Late Show:
I think I know what's going on here. Donald is just insecure. I don't know if Trump even wants to be president. The guy just needs constant validation. That's clear. And isn't that what all of us want? Love? Just love and maybe steak?
And if we just give that to him, maybe he'll go away. So Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump — and I know you're watching because I said your name three times — I just want you to know that everyone thinks you're cool. Okay? You're smart. You are good at companies and businessing. And no doubt you are hung like a pool noodle.
Oh, what's that? Oh, what's that? I'm getting a phone call. Hello? Oh, it's everyone who's made fun of Donald Trump in high school. What's that? You were secretly jealous of him the whole time, and now you're married to far fewer women? Okay, I'll tell him. Goodbye, real call.
Besides, Donald, you don't need to run for president because there's an even cooler, more elite position out there — and we've all voted that you are it. It's America's #1 man. And tonight, to make it official, I'm giving you the #1 man trophy.
Unfortunately, this probably won't work. What is working, however, is Trump's campaign for the Republican nomination, which looks more and more likely to win with every passing primary election.