Even when the winners are a surprise, awards shows are long and self-indulgent. And most of the time, they're hopelessly predictable. Despite their grandeur, the Oscars — in all their pomp and circumstance and trailing gowns — are no exception.
At the very least, though, the 2016 Oscars have enlisted Chris Rock to host, which just about guarantees a sharper monologue than most hosts would dare to deliver. Also, he's bound to reference the growing protests against the Academy's all-white acting nominees, not to mention their attempts to stem the overwhelming tide of poor publicity with overhauls to their membership.
If nothing else, Rock's material should make for some interesting reaction shots from the largely white nominees sitting before him in Los Angeles' Dolby Theater.
But outside of #OscarsSoWhite, there are plenty of standby clichés to watch out for during the ceremony, too. Look forward to teleprompter mishaps, well-meaning digs at perpetual Oscar loser Leonardo DiCaprio, and if we're lucky, some self-effacing tripping on the way up to the stage.
To keep track of all the usual Oscars suspects, please enjoy these bingo cards, which you can use to compete against your friends in the name of pride. And really, isn't unwarranted, heedless pride what awards shows are all about?