Thanks for joining us and welcome to the club, or, as other people call it, planet earth.
Women have had a tiny little inkling of this ever since the very first primary debate, when Rosie O’Donnell’s weight and Megyn Kelly’s hormonal cycle suddenly became front-page election news.
So what was the moment that gave it away for you? Given the timing, it must have been this leaked audio in the Washington Post of Trump bragging about sexual assault. It must be hard to endorse a guy who is recorded saying "grab her by the pussy." But, for the record, wasn’t the first time you heard him say the word pussy an indicator that he might have some sexist tendencies?
I’m so glad you came to your senses, but just so we're clear, all that other stuff from before didn’t bother you? Did it just not count?
Like when he said you should treat women like shit, or that Carly Fiorina was too ugly to be president or when he used a sexual epithet to describe Hillary’s loss to Barack Obama. Or when he was accused of sexual assault, sexual harassment, and rape.
But now you’re finally coming around, and a whole bunch of you are saying you will not support Donald Trump. But the truth is: It’s too late. And the fact of the matter is, it’s your fault.
Of course, you can say you were tricked because he used all your best lines, like stuff about family values and how much he loves women. And some of the most extreme things he’s said, like that women who get abortions should be punished, aren’t that far from the mainstream for your party. For instance, his running mate, Mike Pence — the guy many of you say you want to see at the top of the ticket now — signed a bill this year that would force women to have fetus funerals after their abortions.
So GOP dudes, don’t get me wrong, thanks for sticking up for women. But where the hell have you been the last 12 months? Some of you are finally determined to end Donald Trump, but what you don’t realize is that you created him.
You may be upset your house is on fire, but you’re the ones who handed Donald Trump the matches. And women will remember.