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You will find no D.R.A.M or Halsey. There's Beyoncé and Mala Rodríguez, but Donnie Trumpet is mysteriously missing. Taylor Swift is not even in the neighborhood, and neither are any trap queens, so keep driving. I'm referring, of course, to the artists included in President Barack Obama's summer songs playlist on Spotify. It's not the coolest playlist; it is also not the worst. Grade? B-.
Due to popular request, here are my vacation playlists: http://t.co/uer5sIl4Vk http://t.co/zHEekHvQBr What's your favorite summer song?
— President Obama (@POTUS) August 14, 2015
To help you sort through the president's music choices, ranked below from worst to best are all the songs included in his two summer playlists. The ranking is based on 30 years' worth of personally great summers and my obsession with all good music.
40. "Paradise," Coldplay
39. "Shake It Out," Florence + The Machines
38. "Red & White & Blue & Hold," Aoife O'Donavan
37. "Pusher Love Girl," Justin Timberlake
36. "Until," Cassandra Wilson
35. "Down Down the Deep River," Okkervil River
34. "You Don't Know Me," Ray Charles
33. "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart," Al Green
32. "Nothing Even Matters," Lauryn Hill/D'Angelo
31. "The Best Is Yet to Come," Frank Sinatra/Count Basie
30. "Memories Live," Reflection Eternal
29. "Gimme Shelter," The Rolling Stones
28. "La Salsa La Traigo Yo," Sonora Carruseles
27. "Wherever Is Your Heart," Brandi Carlile
26. "Suzanne," Leonard Cohen
25. "I've Got Dreams to Remember," Otis Redding
24. "Flamenco Sketches," Miles Davis
23. "Boozophilia," Low Cut Connie
22. "So Much Trouble in the World," Bob Marley & the Wailers
21. "Help Me," Joni Mitchell
20. "Wang Dang Doodle," Howlin' Wolf
19. "Woo," Erykah Badu
18. "Superpower," Beyoncé/Frank Ocean
17. "Live It Up, Parts 1 & 2," The Isley Brothers
16. "I Found My Everything," Mary J. Blige/Raphael Saadiq
15. "Tombstone Blues," Bob Dylan
14. "My Favorite Things," John Coltrane
13. "Hot Fun in the Summertime," Sly & the Family Stone
12. "UMI Says," Mos Def
11. "Rock Steady," Aretha Franklin
10. "Tengo Un Trato — Remix," Mala Rodríguez
9. "Moondance," Van Morrison
8. "The Very Thought of You," Billie Holiday
7. "Stubborn Love," the Lumineers
6. "Good Day," Nappy Roots
5. "Another Star," Stevie Wonder
4. "Is Your Love Big Enough," Lianne La Havas
3. "Green Light," John Legend/André 3000
2. "Feeling Good," Nina Simone
1. "Ain't Too Proud to Beg," the Temptations
Disclosure: These rankings are extremely permanent, moveable neither by time nor will. This list will be incorporated into the swearing-in ceremony for the next president; it will be added to the US Constitution. In fact, how you react to each song will determine how truly successful you'll be in life, what color hair you should really have, if you're more Kanye or Kim, and how old you actually look.
