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A Falcon 9 rocket by SpaceX, Elon Musk's company, launches from Cape Canaveral in January 2014.
A Falcon 9 rocket by SpaceX, Elon Musk's company, launches from Cape Canaveral in January 2014.
(Red Huber/Orlando Sentinel/TNS via Getty Images)

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I met Elon Musk when we were teenagers. Here's what he showed me about the insane demands of success.

Extreme entrepreneurial success results from an extreme personality and comes at the cost of many other things. I learned this by witnessing the ascent of Elon Musk, from the time we met in college in our late teens to the end of our eight-year marriage.

Extreme success is different from regular success, so know that you don't have to be Richard Branson or Elon Musk to be affluent and accomplished and maintain a great lifestyle. Your odds of happiness are probably better that way.

But if you're extreme, you must be what you are, which means that happiness is more or less beside the point. These people tend to be freaks and misfits who experience the world in an unusually challenging way. They developed strategies to survive, and as they got older they found ways to apply these strategies to other things, and create for themselves a distinct and powerful advantage. They don't think the way other people think. They see things from angles that unlock new ideas and insights. Other people consider them to be somewhat insane.

Perhaps you can relate.

For those who feel the extreme in them, and wish to achieve something remarkable and kind of crazy, here is a list of suggestions gleaned from watching remarkable people.

1) Be obsessed

Be obsessed. Be obsessed. Be obsessed.

If you're not obsessed, then stop what you're doing and find whatever does obsess you. It helps to have an ego, but you must be in service to something bigger if you are to inspire the people you need to help you (and make no mistake, you will need them). That "something bigger" prevents you from going off into the ether when people flock around you and tell you how fabulous you are when you aren't and how great your stuff is when it isn't.

Don't pursue something because you want to be great, or for some end reward that is far from guaranteed. Pursue something because it fascinates you, because the pursuit itself engages and compels you. Extreme people combine brilliance and talent with an insane work ethic, so if the work itself doesn't drive you, you will burn out or fall by the wayside, or your extreme competitors will crush you and make you cry.

Follow your obsessions until a problem starts to emerge, a big, meaty, challenging problem that impacts as many people as possible, that you feel hell-bent to solve or die trying. It might take years to find that problem, because you have to explore different bodies of knowledge, collect the dots, and then connect and complete them.

2) Have superhuman energy and stamina

If you are not blessed with godlike genetics, then make it a point to get into the best shape possible. There will be jet lag, mental fatigue, bouts of hard partying, loneliness, pointless meetings, major setbacks, family drama, issues with the significant other you rarely see, dark nights of the soul, people who bore and annoy you, little sleep, less sleep than that. Keep your body sharp to keep your mind sharp. It pays off.

3) Learn to handle a level of stress that would break most people

4) Don't follow a preexisting path, and don't look to imitate your role models

There is no "next step." Extreme success is not like other kinds of success; what has worked for someone else probably won't work for you. They are individuals with bold points of view who exploit their very particular set of unique strengths. They are unconventional, and one reason they become the entrepreneurs they become is because they can't or don't or won't fit into the structures and routines of corporate life. They are dyslexic, they are autistic, they have ADD, they are square pegs in round holes, they piss people off, get into arguments, rock the boat, laugh in the face of paperwork.

But they transform weaknesses in ways that create added advantage — the strategies I mentioned earlier — and seek partnerships with people who excel in the areas where they have no talent whatsoever.

5) Go for the heroic failure

The extremely successful do not fear failure — or they do, but they move ahead anyway. They will experience heroic, spectacular, humiliating, very public failure but find a way to reframe until it isn't failure at all. When they fail in ways other people won't, they learn things other people don't and never will. They have incredible grit and resilience.

6) Don't waste time on the internet

Extremely successful people are unlikely to be reading stuff like this. (This is not to slam or criticize people who do; I love to read this stuff myself.) They are more likely to go straight to a book: perhaps a biography of Alexander the Great or Catherine the Great or someone else they consider Great. Surfing the 'net is a deadly time suck, and given what they know their time is worth — even back in the day when technically it was not worth that — they can't afford it.

This piece is an adaptation of a Quora answer by Justine Musk. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and access insider knowledge. You can follow Quora on TwitterFacebook, and Google Plus. You can read more from Justine Musk at her website.

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