28 Halloween movies and TV episodes for wimps and scaredy-cats

If you’re looking for a bona fide Halloween marathon that will still make you laugh, you can’t go wrong by queuing up all —or even half — of The Simpsons’ 26 "Treehouse of Horror" specials. Every year brings new gags, new horrors, and new jokes for fans to parse and argue about for years. Not every "Treehouse" special is created equal, but the good news is they're a mere 20 minutes long, and then you can move right on to the next one. [Available on Amazon, FXNow, and YouTube]

The Addams Family is a no-brainer for Halloween wimps, what with the family's storied creepy-kooky-spooky-ookieness. But why not go the slightly less expected route with this 1993 sequel to the 1991 blockbuster? Whereas the 1991 film leans more toward the cartoon hijinks of the 1960s TV series, with the spooky stuff serving mainly as window dressing, Values goes deeper into dark comedy territory, thanks primarily to the addition of Joan Cusack as a serial killer known as the Black Widow. Values embraces the macabre without straying from the material's cartoon origins, and it holds up surprisingly well. As a bonus, Pugsley and Wednesday's delightful summer camp coup of a Thanksgiving pageant should get you in the mood for the next big holiday on the horizon. [Available on Amazon]

We know this is a comedy, but singing, "I 'aint afraid of no ghost" all jaunty isn't going to change the fact that Zuul is straight-up terrifying. But the lion's share of Ghostbusters is a goofy romp featuring some of the best comedians of its era (and its upcoming remake is set to do the same). Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Rick Moranis commit completely to the wacky antics (including a ghost blow job, because why not), while an electric Sigourney Weaver reigns supreme as Zuul's host of choice. Plus, any Halloween party would be lucky to count a mammoth Stay Puft marshmallow man among its attendees. [Available on Amazon]

This zombie comedy was the first chapter of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s "Cornetto trilogy" — and also its best. While Hot Fuzz and The World's End bring their own gloriously specific genre twists to the table, neither tap into the bleeding heart of the material quite like Shaun of the Dead. The gore and Wright’s energetic direction are perfectly balanced against Pegg’s disaffected slacker character, not to mention Nick Frost’s endearing performance as Shaun's best friend, Ed. The movie channels Wright and Pegg’s love for the zombie thriller genre into some spectacular action scenes, while still finding room for jokes and heartwarming moments of true friendship. [Available on Netflix]

There have been so, so many vampire movies, but none luxuriate in immortality quite like Jim Jarmusch's Only Lovers Left Alive. The film follows Adam (Tom Hiddleston) and Ava (Tilda Swinton), two vampires who have lived for more than a thousand years and have been in love for almost as long. Yes, those are some cheesy names, but Jarmusch's lush direction paired with Hiddleston and Swinton's breathtaking performances make for a singular experience. Even just the sets are gorgeous, between Ava's silken life in Tangier and Adam's Detroit homestead, crumbling and lovingly stuffed with curios acquired over centuries. It's not exactly scary, but it's not exactly light, either. If you're looking for something that will transport you to a darker, more macabre place without giving you nightmares, Only Lovers Left Alive is your ticket. [Available on Amazon]

Don't let horror snobs tell you differently: Scream definitely has some real scares. But they're all startle scares, or "guy in a mask jumps out at inopportune times" scares. There's no real thriller element to Scream, because when Ghostface isn't stabbing high schoolers, said high schoolers are busy making fun of the whole thing. Kevin Williamson's horror movie parody has inspired plenty of copycats (and Williamson himself has never quite hit that sweet spot since), because it's so sharp, and sinfully funny besides. Neve Campbell anchors Scream as the central focus of Ghostface's wrath, but she's supported by weird and wonderful performances from an eclectic cast: David Arquette as a goofy cop, Rose McGowan as his sarcastic sister, Matthew Lillard as an off-kilter bro, and, most importantly, Courteney Cox as the iconic Gale Weathers. Trust us: You don't have to like scary movies to like Scream. [Available on Netflix.]

Witch tales come and go, but The Craft is timeless. The film features some witchy equivalents of makeover montages as manic ringleader Nancy (Fairuza Balk) introduces powerful new witch in town Sarah (Robin Tunney) to her high school coven (Rachel True and '90s horror MVP Neve Campbell). It’s a story of sisterhood, of girls who thought they would always be outcasts bonding together against the evils of high school and entitled men (Skeet Ulrich, ubiquitous '90s dirtbag) — until it all goes badly south. Sarah’s wide-eyed journey through discovering her own powers makes for some lovely sequences, but it’s Balk’s ferocious performance that dominates The Craft the second she skulks her way onscreen. [Available on Netflix]

While franchises like Paranormal Activity keep trying to make box office magic happen around Halloween, The Final Girls has quietly started racking up positive attention. The ringer is another playful twist on existing horror tropes, especially the "final girl," or the last girl to make it out of a horror movie alive, like Scream's Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), Halloween's Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), and even Alien's Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver). But The Final Girls takes it even further. Max (Taissa Farmiga) is grieving the loss of her mother (Malin Akerman), who was a famed horror actress in the '80s. Max and her friends (including Arrested Development's Alia Shawkat, The Vampire Diaries' Nina Dobrev, and Silicon Valley's Thomas Middleditch) suddenly find themselves pulled into the world of her mother's most famous movie, to irreverent and surreal effect. [Available on Amazon and iTunes]

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night will scare you. Hell, even just the title is enough to give you chills. But if you're mentally backing away from this suggestion, know that it's a truly gorgeous, unsettling film that deserves your consideration. Writer and director Ana Lily Amirpour finds new depth in the shadows and is defiantly unafraid of silence — and did we mention that this film was most often marketed as "an Iranian vampire Western"? It's a reductive label, but it's also the fastest way to suck you into the world of the Girl (the luminous Sheila Vand), a magnetic vampire who floats around a desolate Iranian oil town like a ghost. [Available on Netflix]

Adam Wingard’s taut, stylish The Guest is more of a suspenseful thriller than a horror movie, but a climactic sequence set at a haunted house puts this one squarely in Halloween-viewing territory. Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey) turns in an excellent performance as a mysterious houseguest who ingratiates himself to the family of his former Army buddy. Stevens is 10 shades of creepy, but there’s a strong thread of dark humor that keeps The Guest fun and surprising throughout its 100 minutes. It’s rarely scary but frequently thrilling (and quite violent), the perfect movie to get the blood pumping without jolting you with terror. [Available on Netflix and Amazon]

Alfred Hitchcock's most famous film is right out of Horror Movies 101, but here's a secret for those who don't do horror movies: Psycho isn't really that scary, just incredibly tense. There's a reason Hitchcock was known as the master of suspense, not the master of jump scares. Psycho is one of those films you think you know — creepy hotel, weird mother, shower scene — but don't really "get" until you've sat down and experienced it front to back. Watching the 1960 film in 2015 is a great way to feel massively creeped out (no one can ratchet up tension like Hitchcock), but with the psychological distance afforded by a half-century of changes in horror movie convention. [Available on Amazon]

[We realize Hocus Pocus is not on this list. We do not care. — ed.]