On Sunday night, a woman who has dominion over our universe was crowned in Doral, Florida. It was the Miss Universe pageant. There were hockey sticks on dresses, an ambassador for child prostitution, and a big upset.
Here's what you may have missed.
Miss Colombia (Paulina Vega). Miss USA (Nia Sanchez) finished in second. Miss Colombia is now in control of our universe.
But as always, the real reason to watch was everything that happened before the winner was crowned.
Miss Canada dressed up like this...
The national costume is meant to be an embodiment of the country's pride and culture, hence Canada's hockey stick peacock costume. Somehow, however, Miss Canada (Chanel Beckenlehner) didn't win the international costume competition.
Miss Indonesia (Elvira Devinamira)'s extravagant, 44 lb. outfit took home the title.
No African countries made the top 15
Granted, this a beauty competition. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. There are no lives being saved here. That said, people were upset (and rightfully) at the message that was sent when no African country made it into the top 15 — the top 15 is essentially the first cut of the televised portion of the show, meaning there were no African countries represented for nearly three-quarters of the night.
The winner of Miss Congeniality was...
Miss Nigeria (Queen Celestine). But since no African countries made the cut, the only time we got to really see her on television was when she accepted her award.
The judges asked Miss USA about global terrorists
Miss USA made the top five, the part where the contestants are asked a question and are judged for their answer. And the question she received was completely bizarre.
"If you had 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?" judge Manny Pacquiao asked.
Is it really fair that we are asking a woman who is devoting a portion of her life to be judged in a bikini something that's usually reserved for presidents and prime ministers to answer?
What exactly is a global terrorist? Are global terrorists watching Miss Universe? And what kind of speaking terms does this question assume? Is this message to global terrorists out of the blue? Is it formal, or is it candid? At what occasion will this message be played?
Miss USA cobbled together some word salad about hope, love and inspiration — the best she could when faced with a strange question. "As Miss USA I can always spread a message of hope and love and peace," Sanchez said.
Actually, all the contestants bombed the interview part
Aside from the global terrorist inquiry, there were some good questions out there. Judge Lisa Vanderpump asked whether Miss Universe should eliminate the swimsuit portion. Another judge asked about violence against women. And there was another question about what women can learn from men.
But the contestants crashed and burned. Miss Jamaica (Kaci Fennell) mumbled something about international crime and working together to abolish it. Miss Colombia said that women should learn that men still believe in inequality (perhaps this was lost in translation). Miss Netherlands (Yasmin Verheijen) said she was an ambassador for child prostitution (this also seems like something was lost in translation). And Miss Ukraine (Diana Harkusha) said she likes nice swimsuits.
Miss Netherlands had the most WTF evening
The statement about child prostitution was only the second weirdest Miss Netherlands moment of the night. The strangest part of the evening was during the "fun facts" segment, where the announcers tell us things about the women while they strut around in swimsuits. Miss Netherlands' fun fact was that she was locked in a cage for 12 hours.
The casualness of this is a little off. There was no follow-up to this, and her 12 hours in a cage still remains a mystery.
The upset of the night
Miss Jamaica, a well-liked and (relatively) eloquent contestant, was the fourth runner up a.k.a. the fifth-place finisher. When hosts Natalie Morales and Thomas Roberts announced the result, the crowd erupted in boos. The outrage was still brewing Monday morning.
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