Code/red: What? Marc Andreessen Worry?

// HAPPENING TODAY

• The second wave of Apple’s iPhone 6 release brings the device to Austria, Italy, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Spain and elsewhere.
• BlackBerry shares are trading up after a narrower-than-expected fiscal second-quarter loss.
• #Bendgate backlash.

Marc Andreessen’s Next Big Investment? The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

In a January interview with the Wall Street Journal, venture capitalist Marc Andreessen declared flatly that there was no tech bubble. Nine months later, he’s not quite so sure. And while he’s not yet ready to come right out and speak the word, he is willing to dance a widening gyre jig around it, warning that Silicon Valley’s excessive risk takers will likely regret that excess — and sooner, not later. “New founders in last 10 years have ONLY been in an environment where money is always easy to raise at higher valuations,” Andreessen wrote on Twitter. “THAT WILL NOT LAST. When the market turns, and it will turn, we will find out who has been swimming without trunks on. … When market turns, M&A mostly stops. Nobody will want to buy your cash-incinerating startup. There will be no Plan B. VAPORIZE.” Also: “Worry.”

First-Day Passport Sales Set New Record for Undesirable Smartphone

BlackBerry’s new Passport smartphone is off to a … reasonable start. CEO John Chen said this morning that the Pop Tart-shaped smartphone has racked up more than 200,000 orders since its Wednesday debut. Positive news, I suppose — though it’s not going to do much for BlackBerry’s worldwide smartphone market share, which remains under one percent, according to data from IDC.

See How Apple Ass-Tests Its iPhones!

Apple does not screw around with stress testing. See for yourself.

No Atmospheric Pressure, Either

ISRO’s Mars Orbiter: “A shot of Martian atmosphere. I’m getting better at it. No pressure.”

Chief John J. Escalante: I Will Now Say the Stupidest Thing About iPhone Ever

John J. Escalante, chief of detectives for Chicago’s police department: “Apple will become the phone of choice for the pedophile. The average pedophile at this point is probably thinking, I’ve got to get an Apple phone.”

Steve Has a Special Name for iPad Users: Benchwarmers

“I’ve got my kids brainwashed: You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod.” Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said that a few years back about his Apple-free household. Now he’s bringing a similar mandate to the locker room following his $2 billion purchase of the Los Angeles Clippers. “Most of the Clippers are on Windows; some of the players and coaches are not,” Ballmer told Reuters this week. “And [Clippers Coach] Doc Rivers kind of knows that’s a project. It’s one of the first things he said to me: ‘We are probably going to get rid of these iPads, aren’t we?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, we probably are.’ But I promised we would do it during the off season.”

Get Ready for the Apple Watch Plus

John Gruber, Daring Fireball: “A few years down the line, I expect Apple to have a Watch that can replace your iPhone. The tech just isn’t there yet. Apple is already setting expectations for single-day battery life for the Apple Watch, at best. Adding cellular networking would make that significantly worse — and add physical heft.”

Wait, I Have Advanced Unix Services on My Mac?

So that Shellshock vulnerability? The one that could — theoretically — allow a malicious hacker to compromise most any Linux- or Unix-based operating system? Well, Mac users are probably immune to it — as long as they’re using default settings in OS X. “The vast majority of OS X users are not at risk to recently reported bash vulnerabilities,” Apple spokesman Bill Evans told Code/red. “With OS X, systems are safe by default and not exposed to remote exploits of bash unless users configure advanced Unix services. We are working to quickly provide a software update for our advanced Unix users.”

Samsung Phablets Great for Throwing Shade, Says Google Chairman

Google Chairman Eric Schmidt on Apple’s new, larger iPhones: “I’ll tell you what I think. Samsung had these products a year ago.”

Again With the “Please, Won’t Someone Think of the Children” Shtick?

FBI Director James Comey: “I like and believe very much that we should have to obtain a warrant from an independent judge to be able to take the content of anyone’s closet or their smartphone. The notion that someone would market a closet that could never be opened — even if it involves a case involving a child kidnapper and a court order — to me does not make any sense.”

Special Snowflake Drops Out of Stanford to Work on Startup

PencilBlue Founder, Blake Callens: “Whenever I hear someone describe him or herself as an ‘entrepreneur’ I can’t help but cringe a little. … It’s the same as when a software engineer’s LinkedIn profile says he’s a ‘ninja’ or ‘guru,’ or when an executive uses the word synergy in every conversation. It’s about broadcasting yourself as a unique and special snowflake.”

Off Topic

Screenshots of despair. Also: How the Big Bird suit works.

Thanks for reading. Send tips, comments and business-suit onesies to John@recode.net, @johnpaczkowski. Subscribe to the Code/red newsletter here.

This article originally appeared on Recode.net.

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