Code/red: Sprint’s T-Mobile Longshot and Box’s Bogus Buyers

// HAPPENING TODAY

• LinkedIn, Expedia, Viacom, OpenTable, Chegg and Motorola Solutions all report earnings (T-Mobile reported before the bell).
• The House Energy and Commerce subcommittee on health will hold a hearing on future health care system technologies.
• A Secret rumor claiming Apple’s new EarPods will include heart rate and blood pressure sensors begins gaining traction.

Hey Sprint, I Bet Your T-Mobile Deal Makes Sense if You Don’t Think About It, Too

If Sprint does make a bid for T-Mobile this summer, it’s going to have a hell of time convincing U.S. regulators to approve a deal they’ve already preemptively rejected. If AT&T, which abandoned a $39 billion takeover of T-Mobile in 2011, couldn’t persuade the FCC and the DOJ that the U.S. wireless market is better off with three players than four, how can Sprint (which protested the deal in contentious ads like this one)? Particularly now that FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler and DOJ antitrust chief William Baer both have touted T-Mobile’s resurgence as proof that it was the right call. Here’s Wheeler just a week ago: “We believe that what is extant in the market today in terms of four major competitors is an important and driving force in the competitive nature of that market.”

Jelly Founder Biz Stone Asked a Question on Jelly. Maybe You Can Help?

“Would Jelly be more fun if we exposed your number of thank you cards?” Sorry, Biz, “can’t help.” I don’t use it and neither does anyone else.

Sure, I’ll Be CEO. But No F@%$ing Way Am I Ever Saying “Framily”

A Sprint acquisition of T-Mobile would be fun to watch, though, wouldn’t it? Particularly if “un-carrier” CEO John Legere is tapped to run the new company. After all, he doesn’t exactly hold Sprint in high regard. “Sprint is a pile of spectrum waiting to be turned into a capability,” Legere said back in January. “Right now, their network is completely horrible. … And they keep saying ‘pardon our dust while we redecorate.’ That Spanky thing or whatever that they announced? Sparky, I mean come on. … Did I really hear “framily” yesterday? But I wasn’t surprised because last week I heard they might bring the Nextel brand back. … Sprint is an impaired brand right now with a network capability that won’t be here for a while. Customers should be able to leave, and when it turns out to be whatever they are going to have that ‘Beams up Scotty,’ then go back.”

Eye Roll …

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg: “We want to build a culture of loving the people we serve.”

Is This Amazon’s Forthcoming Smartphone?

Boy Genius Report thinks so.

In Development at Sony: Cut the Guidance for PS4

Looks like Kaz Hirai may not be able to pull off his promised turnaround of Sony. The Japanese consumer electronics icon cut its earnings guidance for the third time in six months this morning. Dismal news for Sony loyalists hoping the company can return to growth and for Hirai, who has now had to lower guidance five times during his tenure as CEO.

In Other Words, You’ve Changed It to The Worst Corporate Motto Ever

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg: “We’ve changed our internal motto from ‘Move fast and break things’ to ‘Move fast with stable infrastructure.'”

Insert “DirectTV Dish Would Complete AT&T Death Star” Joke Here

Here’s a new conversation starter for socially awkward Cable Show attendees who’ve already overused “So what do you think about net neutrality?”: “So AT&T/DirecTV, huh?”

And Over Here Is My Leather-Bound First Edition of Zork

Paul Ford: “Is it possible to propose a software canon? To enumerate great works of software that are deeply influential — that changed the nature of the code that followed?”

Listen to Me, Aaron: You Must Stop Reading Secret. It’s Not Healthy.

The tech rout may have forced Box to reconsider the timing of its IPO, but it hasn’t quashed the company’s public market aspirations. Despite emerging rumors that Box might try to find a buyer — or, if you lend any credence at all to Secret rumors, has already found one — sources tell Fortune’s Dan Primack that’s not the case. Said one, “[Box CEO Aaron Levie] would have a heart attack if the board told him they seriously want him to sell. … If he wasn’t so insistent on staying independent, he would have already accepted an offer from Citrix or Salesforce.”

Speaking of Aaron Levie …

Box CEO Aaron Levie: “‘Quiet periods are so much fun,’ said no one ever.”

Snapchat CEO: Screw Boxes

Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel on supporting actual chats: “We’re trying to get rid of these weird boxes that we put media into and get to the essence of conversation — that we’re both here. The essence of conversation is not which media format we choose to talk to each other with, so we don’t differentiate between snaps and chats. It’s just someone wanting to talk to you.”

“Amazon is the Tony Soprano of e-commerce.”

“You either pay to play or you go out of business. … It’s slowly sucking the air out of all the other big e-commerce players.” — NYU professor Scott Galloway

But With Alibaba, It’s Worth $214 million, So YAY Marissa!

Steven Davidoff: “Simply put, without Alibaba, [Yahoo CEO Marissa] Mayer’s options would probably be close to worthless and her package would be worth about $10 million.”

Bet You Thought No One Would Notice …

Unease over RadiumOne and the scandal around its fired CEO, Gurbaksh Chahal, appears to be spreading. As I noted here yesterday, LinkedIn removed Chahal from its Influencer gallery on Sunday. Now The Westly Group seems to have removed RadiumOne from its website. Why does that matter? Westly Group founder Steve Westly is a RadiumOne board member.

If Only All NewFronts Were This Good

The Onion’s NewFronts pitch: “You all had a choice to embark on other paths in life, as first responders, inner city educators, Peace Corps workers. But deep down, you know you were better than those selfish fame-seekers, and that’s why you chose the noblest pursuit of all: Digital ad sales.”

Off Topic

Tiny Hamsters Eating Tiny Burritos

Thanks for reading. Got a tip or a comment? Reach me at John@recode.net, @johnpaczkowski. Subscribe to the Code/red newsletter here.

This article originally appeared on Recode.net.

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