The year in music, according to 26 award categories we made up

These 26 songs aren't necessarily 2014's best. But they're among its most memorable, and each filled a highly specific niche. We now present the recipients of the 2014 Ridiculous Awards for Music:

Best song to lie in your bed and feel like a #teen to:

"I Miss You" by Candy Hearts

Best song by a teen:

"Yellow Flicker Beat" by Lorde.

(Lorde is 18 years old but 300 years old at heart.)

Best song by an artist over 80

"Hallelujah—Live in Dublin" by Leonard Cohen

Best song by a Boy Band:

"She Looks So Perfect" by 5 Seconds of Summer

Best song for head-banging until you have a headache:

"O Father O Satan O Sun!" by Behemoth

Best Serial intro mashup:

"Serial theme Notorious B.I.G Mashup" by Fafu

Best song we still somehow only know four words from:

"Take Me To Church" by Hozier

No matter how many times I have heard and sung this song, no matter how many words I know while its playing, the moment I have it stuck in my head the only thing I can remember is TAKE ME TO CHURCH.

Best misandrist song of the year:

"Blank Space" by Taylor Swift

Best song about a day of the week:

"Tuesday" by ILoveMakonnen

Best song we were positive was made in 2014 but was, in fact, made in 2013:

"Turn Down for What" by DJ Snake and Lil John

Best song to dance like Lorde to:

"Hard" by SOPHIE

(giphy.com)

Best song over 7 minutes long:

"Granulation" by Chomstars

Best song under 2 minutes long:

"Another Drug Deal of the Heart" by the New Pornographers

Best song featuring a saxophone:

"Problem" by Ariana Grande

Best song that will make everybody stand up and dance when it's the act one closer of this band's future jukebox musical:

"Counting Stars" by OneRepublic

Best song covered by Taylor Swift:

"Riptide" by Vance Joy

Worst song your stupid friends stupidly insisted on stupidly playing all the stupid time:

"All About that Bass" by Meghan Trainor

Best song about technological advancements:

"#Selfie (Instrumental Mix)" by The Chainsmokers

Best song with a very long title:

"Do You Want a Man—Heaven & Hell Remix" by William Onyeabor featuring The Vaccines

Best earworm:

"The Man" by Aloe Blacc

Worst earworm:

"Happy" by Pharrell Williams

Best Max Martin produced grammar fail:

"There ain't no guarantee/but I'll take a chance on we." from "Shower" by Becky G.

Best use of onomotopeia:

"Bang Bang" by Jessie J. featuring Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

Best simile:

"He toss my salad like his name Romaine" from "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj

One hit wonder that will make you cringe when you randomly hear it in 7-11 at 3 in the morning in the distant future:

"Rude" by Magic!

Best male impersonation of Adele:

"Stay With Me" by Sam Smith

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