clock menu more-arrow no yes

2014, explained in Cher tweets

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 23:  Singer Cher arrives to NBC's 'Today' at NBC's TODAY Show on September 23, 2013 in New York City.  (Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 23: Singer Cher arrives to NBC's 'Today' at NBC's TODAY Show on September 23, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images)
Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

Cherilyn Sarkisian is a popular human entertainer, a phantasm of light and feathers we mere mortals know as Cher. She's famous for her wondrous acting performances in movies like Moonstruck and the timbre in her voice that produced songs like "Dark Lady." But there's another side to Cher that's eclipsed by the showgirl's shadow — that side lives on Twitter.

On Twitter, Cher is a digital oracle: she's predicting downfalls of nations one minute, calling attention to pressing animal rights matters the next, and alerting her followers to financial news in her next 140 characters. And she dispenses these bursts of passion in digital hieroglyphics — her tweets are part emoji and part Drudge report, all mixed with flashes of caustic mortality. Honestly, hers is one of the best Twitter feeds out there, a daily reaction to the news, filtered through the perspective of your aunt who just got a smartphone.

Here are some of the biggest news stories of the year, through the eyes of Cher:

December

Cher was not a fan of the swaps pushout:

But she is a fan of Christmas:

And she, like Vox editor in chief Ezra Klein, understands that this nation is still divided and broken:

November

November was not kind to Cher. She went into mourning when news of director Mike Nichols's death broke:


November was also the month of midterm elections:

October

With Halloween and all, October seems like one of Cher's favorite months. Unfortunately, she hit some snags:


Cher was also fed up with politics and the congressional recess:


And both Ebola and the blocking of Surgeon General nominee Vivek Murthy got her dander up:

Finally, she took some time out to troll Florida Gov. Rick Scott:

September

Cher weighed in on the Ray Rice/Adrian Peterson/NFL controversies, and found a use for the oft-neglected muscle emoji:


There was probably a night in September when Cher got home, poured herself a full-bodied red, and watched the documentary Blackfish by mistake:


After Blackfish, she saw a terrible commercial:

August

In August, Cher was scared of ISIS:


This is A+ use of the chicken leg emoji:

That moment in emoji is somehow topped by this:

July

Condolences, Detroit. Love, Cher:


The use of emoji here is brilliant, if you consider how hard it is to navigate and remember where each of these emoji live:


Actually, it appears Cher saw Blackfish in July:

June

Saskatoon, you rocked Cher's world:


It's a bit mystifying that Cher doesn't have someone that's hired to go to CVS for her:


June 2, 2014: Cher sticks to a diet:

May

Cher's hashtag game is solid:


Cher also had some constructive criticism for Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst:


Even divine beings like Cher must sleep:

April

In April, Cher settled the debate between Twizzlers and Red Vines:


And preached about the necessity of data (journalism?):


And Happy Easter:

March

We find out Cher is in the pocket of big toaster oven:


Cher is also a strong advocate of education:


Though she doesn't seem to be all that concerned with offending people:

February

Harsh? No:

January

And really, this should be every person's New Year's resolution:

Sign up for the newsletter The Weeds

Understand how policy impacts people. Delivered Fridays.