CAR-E

The life i have lived so far has been far from terrible in fact i have seen and done so much more then others wouldn't be so lucky to even think about. Reaching 13 and i had already been to the USA twice and other places around the globe.What i didn't realise was my upbringing and surroundings was shall we say ad-normal. I was born in Toxteth, Liverpool 8; South Side of the city. My childhood was fun, i remember seeing many negative things many being things you would never ever dream of seeing and being surrounded by.

If i said as a kid i was an angel and 100% innocent i would be labeling myself a liar. I must stress i was never no God and i have always remained far from perfect. At this point i would like to leave my surroundings for a later date. I didn't realise i was being bullied for quite a while, i thought fighting was normal. At 11 i was at my first and only comprehensive high school. I lasted three weeks and for me, it was living hell. I was severely bullied by older youths and i suffered allot of pain and that pain has mentally scarred me. I was chased and beating, i was physically and mentally made to feel bad about myself, made to look silly and used to make older gangs look 'tough'. At the tender age of 11 i attempted to hang myself due to school hate, bullying, lonely ness and pain. My pain was known and i was interviewed for a newspaper article which got named 'Call of the Child'.

Time went on and i always remained scarred with deep memories of hopelessness and loneliness. At 13 the next thing hit me quite hard, my best friend, who was my granddad died on Christmas Day 2000. I couldn't believe it and it hit me like a tonne of bricks to the face. It hurt me greatly and i found it very hard to cope with. My parents decided they had to move, get away from everything. So they did, being 14 i obviously got dragged along, i moved away about 15 miles north to a place called St. Helens and said goodbye to everything and anyone i ever knew. That was the end of that.

I thought being bullied so badly and having no one to talk to was lonely. Moving and knowing no one at all was tough, from 14-16 i basically lived indoors, feeling alone and had a computer as a best friend. I look back now and think 'woah, no wonder i was depressed!' Well if you aint' guessed yet i got depression at 11 and like most i wasn't diagnosed. I thought that pain and the feelings where normal?

I didn't really see much happening so i decided to follow my brothers foot steps and join the army at 16 and 11months, Royal Engineers. I passed my barb test and i was prepared and ready to just go and do something with my life, but when push come to shove the army basically said 'o, wait, you are too young you should go college'

So that i did; and never gave the army a second thought! I made so many friends and did so much only thing was i could never concentrate and i had bad mood swings, i lacked in motivation and i came from a different background to most in the place. I didn't really fit in and i went for the sake of going, i loved the dinner times more then anything. I didn't realise all the symptoms where those of the depression!

I eventually found and fell in love for the first ever time, which i will never regret. I noticed my life's mental scarred events kind of disappeared, was this because i use the relationship and friendship with her as a hideaway? I believe so. I did actually have suicidal thoughts while being in love; i have always had them. i thought everyone did. After around two years we split and sadly the same week my dads best friend died.

I noticed when i was back alone, it brought everything back, i mean everything. Every last detail. Was i going mad? Was i crazy, was i completely nuts? I didn't feel down because i was now single, i felt down because i felt everything had hit me (everything being my life events). Why was that? I had a breakdown. I was so down, upset, lonely, fearless, careless, angry i wanted to die, i was being told in my head i should die, i found myself crying allot eventually the pain and lonely ness took over me. It drove me crazy and on 6th June 2006 i attempted to take my own life via an overdose. So there we have it in a very brief view (until the site!) from 11 - 19 years of age i was depressed, now clinically proven and i was told by councilors, doctors and a psychiatrist that not only has my life hit me hard, i have been mentally ill for years growing up and the pain inside me has got bigger and bigger over the years.

Depression in an illness, it's a mental illness which affects millions worldwide. When depressed who can help? Who can we turn to? You feel so alone and you feel no one understands. What can you do other then just end it?

I am here to help and i hope to do as much as possible, we can chat, you can listen to my tracks, message me, poor your heart out. There is a tomorrow, tomorrow will come. Sexual abuse, racism, bullying, suicide and depression are very tough and 'mute' topics in today's society i stand up proudly and openly to help as many as i can. Please reach out to me.

There's six billion people in the world what's going to make you stand from the crowd?

Do you have a dream? You can reach it - Do you have goals? Make them!

Get up and forget wanting, get it; Stay positive. Some people wake up with depression i say leave him asleep. You can achieve anything you want within realistic terms and you can make a difference, you can.

Over 270,000 MySpace plays

Over 25,000 friend requests

Radio Interviews (BBC & Radio city)

Awarded at the Anthony Walker citizenship Gala dinner

Been in the press several times

Filmed several times

VIP Night outs

Become an ambassador for Miss East Africa UK

Hosted events as a special guest

the list goes on and on...

 

I have also met countless amounts of famous people & become associates with some, no A-List ers as of yet!

and most importantly reached and helped thousands of people worldwide

So i ask you this if i can turn my life and illness around and do this, what can you do? I am no one special, Reach your dreams, you CAN and WILL reach them.

I believe in you, but remember for every one person that believes in you 1000 people wont so learn about self believe. Get up, get out there! Use your skill, your talent, your knowledge and yourself to reach the impossible.

Use your faith to have hope and use your hope to achieve anything and everything!

I started as a kid from Liverpool, now i am known worldwide and spend alot of time in London and many other places, you could too! Go for it.