Vox’s posts tagged stress

Oh, blogging, where is thy sting?

nobody@vox.com(Carly the Jagyularr) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:22:10 +0000

Life has been getting absolutely crazy. The culmination of all of this craziness will be this Wednesday, when I have three tests to take, all in a row, one of which is a theatre midterm that has the potential to make my head explode.

I really don't know what's been going on with me lately. Some of it is stress, I'm sure of it; I've alloted part of my only block of free time tomorrow to go to the health center and see if they can help me with my stress headaches. I've had a headache for at least part of the day every day for the last two weeks, and I'm sure it's not only allergies that are getting to me.

I've just gotten really frustrated because there are several non-school things that I need to get done within the next couple of weeks - my Halloween costume and a piece of fanart for a DevArt contest, for example - but at the end of the day I'm so tired from all the shit that's happened that day that I have no motivation to do anything besides goof off on the Internet or relax with Jason.

I'll have a free weekend after this week, but even then it won't be very free because although I am going to spend it away from school, most of it will be scheduled and I will have to have a rough draft of a German paper written by the following Monday.

This has been my toughest semester so far. I can't scrounge an ounce of joy or satisfaction from my German class, Humanities is more boring than last semester, and even though I like my theatre history class, I always feel like I have a massive brainclog at the end of the hour.

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You awake to find you have died.

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Sun, 28 Jan 2007 12:36:21 +0000

A daughter of the American Revolution,
Love was the lie that they told me,
it blew up in my face, held by my tiny hands.
No net for relief,
draw the curtains aside and,
like this splinter in my finger
deal with the pain in the broad of daylight.
"Idealism has crushed me," I said flatly.
What to seek and where,
who to trust and how.

But I'm in the car now, so you can't jump out while the engine is running.
Like my father did, so many times.

Because we fall so very fast.

And my circus, its spinning, the lions are roaring, the tamesmen are ... taming the shrews. Its a flawed program, its all edges and angles, like me. But I want you to know this: I'm the knot you can't untie.

All of the plans are fused together, and your blood is all over them before the fighting has even begun. Baby, don't blame me for it. Oh how I couldn't help it in the slightest.

I am learning how to juggle the recesses with the rest of it.

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Retreat, young optimistic.

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 02:01:23 +0000

Remember the hardening events of the past? How quickly we unravel.

Maybe you can turn it off ;

freak.

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Gym Jones.

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 05:12:45 +0000

"Burn the bridge. Nuke the foundation. Back yourself up against a wall. Have an opinion one way or the other, get off the fence and rip it up. Cut yourself off so there is no going back. Once you're committed the truth will come out. You ask about security? What you need is uncertainty. What you need is confusion; something that forces you to reinvent yourself, a whip to drive you harder."

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Why shoot myself for your sins?

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 00:32:43 +0000

Decisions are hard, huh?
Well, no hands are bound.
Cut me out and what do you find?
Hm.
Looks surprisingly like a decided decision.

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Forces of Unrest.

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Mon, 14 May 2007 22:12:16 +0000

I'm afraid to read the letters left for me. They are harrowing details of the imaginary world in which you live. I am suffocated into corners and midnights. I am leaving here soon and I won't be coming back for you. Call me harsh, call me heartless ...

I am tapping my arm to find a vein but cannot muster the motivation anymore. With this cycle of false starts and New Years, we are far older than we seem to be. Let it drop away and shed what is holding us back. Simplicity of form will find us a new cycle.

We live in a Byzantine conduit. A maze. Where up is down. Where simple declaration is suspect, where overt sentimentality is death. When you're cold I want you more, when I'm hot you want me less. Its not a game to play consciously (most of the time). Its just the way I work.

I'm holding onto my cards, for fear the crushing weight of possibility.

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If the heart is heavy ...

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Fri, 25 May 2007 14:00:19 +0000

In the past week I have had
six (6) hours of sleep on a
lovely, soft mattress in a pastel hotel and a
hard brown couch in a studio

There is a discrepancy between the assumed and the actual, but I can't tie the sides.

The doctor says I am malnourished but otherwise healthy
he says, "you're too young to work so hard,"
and it reminds me of when Cameron tells Roark that he loves his work too much and that men hate passion and he will be destroyed by it, but that's silly and then I think of Snickers candy bars and cold winter nights of endless blankets and sheets.

Since you don't want to hear I won't tell you about heading west and the boxes and the shoehorn and the geese and the flight receptionists who all have the same voice, even the men.

My nose has been bleeding on and off and I feel like I might fall down but I'm already sitting.

Right now, I am stealing someone else's wifi.

Right now, I am frustrated beyond all belief but tomorrow is a new day.

Right now, I am falling asleep for a long time.

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Munch, but not Edvard.

nobody@vox.com(dialmformarvel) — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 00:25:12 +0000

Hanging on by a thin thread or -
totally dealing with it.

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Projects I really want to do, and other stuff

nobody@vox.com(tshirtqueen) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:33:38 +0000

So often I realize I don't knit fast enough to produce the kind of clothing I think I need/want for a particular season. Since the fall here in the Atlanta area is more like spring, I can still get away with wearing short-sleeved tops. So I think I should have knit one by now (but haven't). Then again, some mornings are more chilly than others, and I feel like I should knit something for the cooler weather. (That one's a bit easier to work on.) The latest obsession of my project lust is the Imogen cardi by the lady at Fleece Artist. Or her sister. I forget. I bought the pattern before I went to NYC for my friend's baby shower. Now that I'm back, I'm thinking about this cardi more and more. I'm even thinking of ripping out the pinwheel blanket that I started awhile back and using the yarn for that, because really, do you want to handwash a blanket? (The blanket's yarn is a 50/50 blend of alpaca and merino. Very soft.) I'm not very far in it anyway. Will get back to this idea later...

In other news, I am feeling a bit lost with my knitting/crocheting in general. I kinda feel like I have no plan or no direction as far as what to make next, because there seem to be way too many things that I want to knit/crochet. I don't know if it's confusion. Or maybe just information overload. This brings me to my new dilemma...

I just started a shawl. Do I dare to continue? I am obviously a glutton for punishment because I started another shawl. I think this is my 3rd or 4th shawl which I have attempted in my knitting lifetime. I have never completed a shawl because for whatever reason or another, I made some mistake which I couldn't fix at all without ripping the whole thing. Restarting a project like that is very discouraging so I avoid it. Still, I want to make a shawl, so I started one: Heartland Lace by the awesome Evelyn Clark. I have pretty good yarn for it, as well. So far it's going well but I am just really scared I will get too confident about it and then mess up and then rip it back. My heart sinks at that thought. However, I feel like I should continue anyway, just coz. I will definitely be using lifelines on this project. To be continued...

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Thinking hard about my UFO. And the implications.

nobody@vox.com(tshirtqueen) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 15:17:24 +0000

Actually I was thinking how I haven't written in this blog for a long time, and I realize that one of the main reasons I haven't written was because I was just avoiding posting about my lack of completed projects. Somewhat embarrassing for me, you know. At the top of my project/UFO list is a baby sweater that I have been working on since August 30th. I was supposed to have it finished before October 4th for my friend's baby shower which was the next day. I never finished it in time, of course, and I ended up buying her two huge boxes of diapers from Diapers.com. I was thinking why I hadn't finished it, and I realized that it was mainly because of the yarn. I am using Pakucho Organic Cotton, which, in itself, is perfectly lovely. I had cast on with it using my trusty Addi Turbos and for whatever reason, the combination of that yarn and my supposedly slick Addis was not a good one. The cotton actually stuck and it was just awful. So I switched to KnitPicks Harmony interchangables and surprisingly, the dryness of the wood helped me knit a little faster! So I was OK there. The second hurdle I had to go through was the cables. Can I just say how much the cables slowed me down? (I like the look of cables but I avoid them most of the time -- and yes, I did try cabling without a cable needle. Doesn't work as well with cotton as with wool.) Every 6 rows, a right-twist and a left twist cable. It was painfully slow on the cotton. I was thinking if I had done this project in wool, the elasticity might have helped in that department. I think, subconsciously, I was hating so many things about this project subconsciously that I was just really unwittingly staying away from it, even though I had intended to knit it by a deadline. Anyway, all of that thinking made me make a conscious decision to be a better, more picky yarn shopper. When I look at my stash I realize there are many yarns I could have done without -- not because of the money that was spent on them, but because of their lack of versatility. Fun Fur can only be used for certain things, you know. Also, a lot of the colors would work well only on certain people. I could probably wear magenta, but my sister-in-law couldn't, if I were making her something. I just really need to be more choosy with the yarn I buy, so I just don't have a bunch of yarn that doesn't have a project because it's too specific or too unusual or something like that. I should probably be sticking to darks, tweeds and/or natural colors, versus brights. Might help, I'm sure. Oh well. Back to knitting my overdue baby sweater...

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today's therapy and job retraining

nobody@vox.com(Flamingo Dancer) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 09:47:01 +0000

I am rolling my stress release therapy and job retraining into one - baking and eat cake!

And while I had the oven on I made tomorrow's lunch box filler -

They had just better appreciate my efforts - or I wont share next time!!!!

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The Limits of Intuition – Confusing Intuition With The Games of Life

nobody@vox.com(IntuitiveJohnShoemaker) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:28:43 +0000

Recognizing when your Inner Voice is talking to you is a learned skill. And useful. One of the best benefits is it can drastically reduce the stress and anxiety in your life. And save you from messy, time consuming problems.

But people make lots of mistakes. As they stumble into learning to recognize true Intuition, they run across what I would call Counterfeit Intuitions. They might believe them. But they ain't necessarily so!

Mistaking Feeling For Intuitive Insights When people have a strong emotional attachment to a decision or outcome...they alibi acting on their feelings by saying something like “I was just trusting my Intuition.”

How can you tell the difference? You’re Intuition doesn’t lead you into situations that are obviously disasters.

Using Intuition As The Universal Answer When They Really Should Be Saying “I Don’t Know.” This is an easy one. People don’t want to look stupid...or be embarrassed. If cornered, Intuition is an easy way out.

Confusing Wishful Thinking With Intuitive Guidance Call thisthe Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker Syndrome.... the conceit of the Con Man....the Prayer of Unrequited Love- “I just know he really Loves me!”

Trusting Your Intuition To Guide Your Performance In Complex Situations Honest Intuition calls upon a vast storage of previous experiences. So unless you’re already a Brain Surgeon, you shouldn’t count on your Intuition to guide you in opening someone’s skull.

I read a study where they compared the Intuitive Judgments of Police Officers and Social Workers who worked in the field. Both groups worked with people in volatile situations. And criminals.

They were testing how accurate their perceptions were in two areas.

1) Predicting the Potential for General Criminal Actions

2) Predicting the Potential for Domestic Violence in a home call situation

How they test for these things I have no idea!

The results: Both tested well above average in predicting aberrant behavior when compared to the average man in the street. And both groups were confident they were right in all their answers.

But the reality was...Experience counts.

The cops were really good at predicting criminal behavior (because that’s what they dealt with all the time.)

And social workers were much better at predicting domestic violence (because that’s what they dealt with all the time).

Confusing Hope With Intuition Hello. Las Vegas anyone? “I just know that next card will give me 21!” “I just know that black is the winner!” “I just know I can win enough money to get back home!”

There aren’t really any limitations to using your Intuition...when it’s really your Intuition talking to you.

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Intuition or Intellect? Which Is The Best Way To Make A Decision

nobody@vox.com(IntuitiveJohnShoemaker) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 02:16:44 +0000

How many decisions can you handle or make in a day?

I'm not talking about the daily habits.
Should I take the scenic drive to work or the fast route?
Where should I get my coffee?
Do I use Google or Yahoo?
Do I watch Dancing With The Stars or CNN?

I'm talking about decisions with a little more consequence. Decisions that can bring larger amounts of stress and anxiety.

Investing large amounts of your hard earned money.

Deciding to go out on a date with someone you're not sure about?

Taking a job.

Signing a contract or not.

What do I say next in this conversation to influence the outcome.

How Do You Make Your Decisions?

Do you think things through thoroughly? Way the pros and cons?

Do you jump instantly to "the answer" with confidence?

Does the answer just seem to come from exciting and inspired place?

I bring it up because I've tried to codify my thinking techniques... build my "thinking" skills...and learn to make better decisions...looking for the Holy Grail or Formula that insures every decision I make will be the best one possible...and it's driven me crazy.

Sometimes the answer would "just come".

Sometimes I have to sit down and really think things through. Even make the plus/minus comparison to see it on paper.

And sometimes when I'm not even looking for the answer it seems to come out of nowhere.

So I learned both work.

What Thinking Really Is

Thomas Edison would go fishing down at his winter home in Ft. Meyers, FL He would sit on the dock with his fishing pole, but never put any bait on it. He could sit outside by himself...and be left alone because people don't come up and bother fisherman.

He was fishing for quiet. And fishing for ideas. He found that by leaving his lab and quieting down...many of the answers he was searching for found their way into his head...not forced into it.

So he would think intensely...using his Intellect...then give it a rest.

Do you know Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink"?

It was a National Best Seller. Gladwell has a way of taking complex subjects and explaining them in a way you can understand...and enlighten you. "Blink" is " a book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye. "

What he says is "Rapid Cognition", (which is the same to me as an "Intuitive Leap") is not a mystery...but the brains way of taking the thousands of disparate experiences you have and coming up with the answer. So it's the fast way of coming to an answer...but it's still based on experience.

So... Thinking can be called slower cogitation...and Intuition is just a faster version of thinking.

Intuition favors experience. Thinking favors learning something new.

Both are good choices. Both work. Both get good results.

Now if you want to talk about Woman's Intuition...that's a different topic altogether.

Thanks,John.

P.S. By the way...I find one of the best tools for me to calm confusion is writing things down. Writing seems to slow the whirling of my thoughts...make it clear what I'm thinking...and often brings up hidden or unexpected thoughts that are hidden behind all the mania.

P.P.S. If you didn't know it...Thomas Edison's neighbor was Henry Ford. And they spent winters together in Florida. Lots of their industrialist friends would come down to visit. These were the men who were building and changing the face of America and American Industry in major ways. Imagine the brainpower all in one place. I would have loved to have been there.

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Stress? What Stress?

nobody@vox.com(I-Luv-Eeyore) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 23:14:05 +0000

Do you know how you feel when you've stayed up way too late and your eyes feel like they are simulateously bulging out of your head and sinking into depths unknown? Yeah. That's how I feel today. Kind of like I got drunk this morning and I'm now sobering up; nauseous and headachey. Not a pleasant feeling.

Yup. Stress. Let's see what all Trish has going on in her life right now:

Trying to sell a house to a buyer who is balking at the sale of her own property.
Trying to buy a house that she's in love with and has already spent money on so if the deal falls through she's out money.
A week ago there was a possible opportunity to adopt a baby.
Now not only is that possibility gone, but Trish has found out that her own Mother didn't want Trish to adopt the baby.
Packing
Deadlines at work
Regular everyday stressors of: what to do about supper, laundry, groceries, paying bills, etc...
The economy...really? Have you noticed?
Who to vote for...omg! what a nightmare!

Issues with Jordan and the school he has to attend until we get moved:

Getting harrassed about the length of his hair
Unexpected drug testing (She knows that was a couple of weeks ago---but it's added to Trish's stress level)
Finding out that the police have been hanging out at the school because someone threatened to come to the school with a gun and shoot it up.
Jordan's friend (that is a girl---but not his girlfriend) got suspended for having a penknife at school.

I need to take a mental health day. But the deadline for the project at work is tomorrow. I've finally decided that my hair is long enough to chop off and donate to Locks of Love AND leave me enough for a decent perm after. I should do that this weekend. Really.

I'm going to go zone in front of the TV while I wait on pizza to get here. I think it's Thursday night....Survivor, CSI, and ER. My night for TV. I better set them to record---I may fall asleep and be ticked because I missed them.

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seriously...

nobody@vox.com(Destined2B) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:23:53 +0000

I don't even know where to begin! I have been sick from stress for the last week. The economy is horrible, and only getting worse it seems. It doesn't help me very much that I have a 102" screen behind me for 8hrs a day showing nothing but the stock market, and analysis's of the market, and our company president talking about how bad sales are...It really makes me worry....to the point of being physically ill. I hate it!

About 3 months ago I started what I should have a year ago, a mission to have no outstanding debt. I have been adding extra to my car payment every month (it's soo nice to see the principle amount going down so quickly now!) Also this semester I did not take a student loan, I paid for everything out of pocket, and (even though i'm in school and don't have to pay) I'm making payments on my student loans. Now grant-it, I do have 2 jobs, which helps a lot! I use my full time job's pay for all my bills, and then my part time income is what I live off of..gas money, groceries, even my cell phone falls under that category!

But what happens if I loose my job?! I have been at my job for 2 years (as of Sept 18th!), and every fiscal half we have cut people...so far we haven't yet this time around...but...I still worry about it a lot!

At the same time, all of this economic turmoil has been a motivator in several ways. School could not be more important to me right now! I know that I have to get it done if I want any hope of a future! I have also spent a lot more time at home instead of out, which means I have been knitting like a crazy person! It also means I'm using up my stash instead of buying new yarns! I am spending more money on Etsy tho..lol, on posting fees! I've been trying to repost several times a day, to keep at least one of my items in the first 2-4 pgs...i think it helped, hehe, I got a sale on Friday! It's only thursday and so far I have already finished 3 more times to post this weekend.

I figure after this weekend I will have at least 6 more items to post, for a total of hopefully 9 new items on Sunday! Winter is coming (at least to most parts of the country, good ole SoCal is in the 90's for a 3rd straight day...yuck)...and winter is the best time for knitted goods.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed...about everything...and trying to not stress about things out of my control

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Comfort Zone or Combat Zone? When Does It Pay To Stay Within The "Zone"

nobody@vox.com(IntuitiveJohnShoemaker) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 22:55:46 +0000

When Does It Pay To Stay In Your Comfort Zone?

One of the undying tenants of the world of success is you have to stretch yourself to get better.

But is that always true? Especially True with the Capital T?

Absolutely Not!

You Have To Do Some Stretching...But...

The dangerous side is trying to stretch to far...to fast...and in to many areas at once.

Many of the people who are on a constant search...and surge...to change don't have much of a comfort zone to start with. They're already on the edge of stress.

And when you try to do to much, the stress and anxiety from trying something new can be overwhelming...and contribute to their failure.

Many people talk about "The Comfort Zone". But there are many Comfort Zones in your life. And don't mistake comfort (or confidence) in one area to automatically mean you will be comfortable in another area.

By definition, new things you do are going to cause you stress and anxiety. The secret is not to jump off the cliff when trying something new. Don't Break Your Zone. Stretch Your Zone.

Stretch Your Zone. Don't Break It.

For instance, look at Sarah Palin. As I've watched her over the course of this Presidential Jousting Match, it's been interesting to see her "stretch" her zone. Politics aside, she has personally gone from state politics to the national stage. That's a stretch for anyone. She's expanded her zone. But her security comes from not changing her basic levels of "comfort"...her experience, family, friends and belief.

I watch "Dancing With The Stars" once in a while. It's amazing to me how many of the non-dancers jump into a skill that they have no experience with...and do so well. Being asked to learn those dances so quickly...and perform them under pressure...that's stretching to me! Yet they all share some range of success in other high visibility professions...so they bring the confidence of past experiences with them. They don't give up their comfort. They just move it to a different stage.

When Does "Jumping Out Of Your Comfort Zone" Make Sense?

I believe the wisdom of "Jumping Outside Your Comfort Zone" is legitimate in the following cases:

1) Staying where you are will cause you more pain than doing something new. And the old habits and beliefs holding you back might need to be broken to pieces for you to move forward. .

2) Your leaping...but you've looked where you're going. You're not flying blind. You have at least some semblance of a plan...and somebody who can help guide you into the New Zone.

3) You aren't giving up everything in your life. You aren't changing everything at once. For instance, desperate people who hate one area of their life take it to mean they have to change everything. Instead of looking for a new job because they are "unhappy" they cause an earthquake in their life" They quit their job, file for divorce, go on a long vacation and spend every dollar they have. You get the picture.

Did you ever see the movie "What About Bob?"

Bill Murray (he makes me smile just thinking of him) plays a screwed up patient of an uptight psychiatrist played by Richard Dreyfuss. His brand of therapy, and best selling book, is called "Baby Steps" Put one foot in front of another and do little things...that can end up in major changes.

Of course, they're all looney. But the point isn't bad.

Not as thrilling as jumping out of the airplane...or leaping into a canyon with not thought...but you sleep better at night.

Stress and Anxiety Relief For All

PS: I saw they are trying to get Ballroom Dancing into the Olympics? Huh?

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Disturbing Reality

nobody@vox.com(MexicanRobot) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 22:12:55 +0000

Today I want to post about three things: My interview, the weather, and the economy.

Part One

My interview was divided in two parts, the first one was all in spanish with one professor, and the second part was with a Mickey Mouse obsessed midget in english.

If I was a roach, the first guy who talked to me, could have spit on me, step on me, and then kick me out of the room. I gave my best answers, and he pretty much treated me like shit. There was a point where he said I was the typicall unsuccesful mexican student, who will never be a succesful professionist, so if sending me to other school would depended on him, he wouldn't let me go. And he only asked me a few questions, such as if I liked to read, what do i think about the american educational system, and how do I study. I think that was it. I came out pretty angry because I couldn't believe he wouldn't let me talk about the reason why I wanted to be there. Fuck him. He's going to die sooner than me anyways.

The second part of theinterview was kind of embarrasing because the guy is like 5 feet tall, he has pervy eyes [I caught him checking out the girl before me] and he's obsessed with Mickey Mouse [remember all the trash they sell at Disneyland? Well, it's all in his office]. The whole interview was in english, I wasn't feeling pretty confident because of what had happened before. But at the end of the interview, I told him what the other guy thought about me, so I pretty much tried to defend myself. At the end he told me he didn;t give a shit about what the other guy thought of me. And he told me he was pleased to meet me, and he let me go. Midget might be pervy, but at least knows how to treat people.

Overall, I didn't do too good, but I didn't do bad. But at least I know I'm capable of doing whatever the fuck I want because I'm smart enough to do it. So if they don't approve my request, at least I'll know it is because an old douchebag didn't want me to go because he probably didn't like the way my boob looked in my purple shirt, not because I'm stupid.

Part Two.

The weather is killing me. I'm melting. I think we're having the hottest days of the year right now, and we're in October. I wonder if it's going to be hot on Christmas. I hope not.

We had vending machines around the school and they disappeared during the summer, so I started selling snacks because the stupid cafeteria is far from our part of the campus. Well, I bought some chocolate bars to sell over there. I got at school at 8am, and within 30 minutes the candy bars became hot cocoa syrup. Nasty.

Part Three

So I have this savings account for college and three days ago I had around $10,000, I think, and right now I have $8,000 [dollars]. I lost around $2,000 in less than three days because of the american economic shit that's been going on. I could have bought a car with that money. The thing is, the value of the american dollars is going down. But the crime in Tijuana is going up, which is making all of the important companies leave the city [most of them japanese and american] because they're afraid of staying here. Therefore, the value of the mexican peso is also going down. Three days ago a dollar was worth $10.50 pesos, right now it's worth $12. That doesn't mean the american economy is doing a progress, it just means the mexican economy is going to hell too. Three weeks ago a dollar was worth $9 pesos.

No wonder why I'm losing my education funds. I don't know what to do right now. I guess I should drop out of school and move to Canada. I wouldn't have to deal with stupid student programs, hot weather, and economic issues.

The sad part is, I love California as if it was my second hometown. And I've seen people struggling so they can make it through the day because they're running out of money. They are literally out of money. There might be no Thanksgiving, or Christmas this year for a lot of people including us, mexicans who live near the mexican border.

So what are you people doing to survive to this sucky situation? I think I will have let my servants go because I can't afford them anymore.

The song of the day is Live a Little by Gym Class Heroes.

Right now I'll just sit down, relax, and drink some cold lemonade. I'll probably do my homework later... or I probably won't. Who knows?

Kary =]

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I need some explanations

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:30:58 +0000

Cancer...

You may be able to feel the shift of energy as the Moon enters emotionally detached Aquarius midday, making you feel like a Crab out of water. Anxiety may surface when you cannot get in touch with your own feelings, reminding you of a previous time when you were avoiding a difficult issue. But this isn't then, so don't shift your old fears to the present moment. Rest assured that your emotional connection will return when you are more relaxed about it.

So is the moon not in my house lately? Is that why I've had such a fucked up week?!
From losing my phone last week, buying the new POS that they refuse to return because I "used it more than 30 minutes" my dishwasher still not working correctly, throwing my back out yesterday, being THIS CLOSE to being out of dog food and bunny food and cat litter, I am still stressed to, well not the max, but whatever's right below that.

My rent check hasn't cleared yet, or at least hasn't *tried* to yet. I hope the bank lets it though. I'm about 100 dollars short in my account... *crossing fingers & toes*.

So as well as rationing my own food, I'm having to do the same for ellie and the bunnies. She's getting half dog half cat food, and the bunnies are getting a lot of fresh greens. I, am eating a lot of rice. Lame. whatever. Luckily, Emelina shared half her burrito with me for breakfast. That was nifty.

Yesterday as soon as I got home I got the trusty heating pad out and laid on it all night, and then slept with it as well. Today I'm still in a lil pain, but it seems the 3 ibuprofen have helped a lot, more than the muscle relaxer did yesterday. Weird. *shrugs*

It's only wednesday. Sigh. I'm getting a home phone installed today. yay for that. Well, hopefully he doesn't show up before I get home. My window is from 5-7, and I get home *usually* around 5:30 depending on traffic.

I think all the stress has been giving me all these crazy dreams lately. I Can't remember specifically right now what they were but they've been odd. I've been sleeping in weird positions, where in i wake up because both my arms are numb, and drooling a lot LOL... hahaha.. hehehe.. yeah...

I got my new couch slipcover yesterday. It's more of "berry" color than a reddish burgundy like I saw online, but it's still pretty. Now I just need someone to help me get rid of the old stinky couch.

I curled my hair today and made an effort to look cute in hopes that would bring up mood.. its half way worked. I got a call from one of my customers saying "Thank You and that I did an amazing job" and he was so surprised that I did so much work. So that made me feel better too. Ü

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I Could Really Throw Up Right Now...

nobody@vox.com(MexicanRobot) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 03:00:23 +0000

Hey, this is me, stressing myself again =]

Thanks to my high score in the TOEFL test, I finally got my interwiev for the program.

The program I've been talking about, is this student exchange thing that would allow me to study in San Diego for two years, and by the end of my career it would give me the oportunity to graduate from both schools [San Diego's and Tijuana's], that means, I'd get two bachelor degrees from two different schools. With those two degrees in my hands, I would be able to work in the U.S. without being illegal and shit, and finally, getting out of Tijuana for good, because nobody wants to get stucked in here while the whole country goes to hell [not that the U.S. is the best country to live right now, but at least I'd get a decent job].<--- [See?, I want to emmigrate too, but I don't want to be a wetback.]

I've always liked the idea of going to study somewhere out of this city, but leaving seemed so impossible that I thought

I wouldn't lose nothing if I apply. Well, I applied, I passed the test, and they gave me in interview. I don't even think they pay as much attention to the interview as they do to the TOEFL scores, and if that's true then I'm practically in. The thing is, the possibilities of me, being accepted are high, and it didn't really get to me until today. I don't know if I feel like crying, celebrating, sleeping, getting drunk, fucking, or doing everything I just said at the same time. I'm really stressed right now. And I feel like throwing up. And I'm also scared, because I've never been away from home.

There was a time in my life where I would be able to tell what was going to happen the next day, or the next year. I knew where I was going to be, so I felt like I was safe. As time passed I guess I lost that ability, and now I can't help feeling insecure, scared, and ashamed because I'm a fucking chicken. Tomorrow could be one the most important days in my life, and I have no idea of what's going to happen.

I guess I'm not used to get what I want. So I let myself dream about stuff that is possible but that I never imagined it could come true. So when opportunities like these knock on my door, I never know how to react. Fuck Life. I wish this living thing was easier.

Yesterday we celebrated my cousin's birthday. She turned 12 last Tuesday. She's growing up and that's not good. Remember those akward years when you were really ugly because you weren't a kid or a teenager? you were just stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no identity, and no one to talk to. Well my little cousin is just there right now.

I managed out to take some good pictures of her cake. I also took pictures of her, but she's not photogenic at all. I'd have to wait until she turns 13 or 14, and she gets pretty again. I know I'm mean, but truth hurts. That's the reason why I made all of my middle school pictures disappear.

The song of the day is Thinking of You by Katy Perry. I don't know if I mentioned that song before, but if I did then listen to it again because it's good. I like [parts of] the lyrics.

Support words are accepted right now. Thanks for reading.

Karina

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Monday Morning Ramblings

nobody@vox.com(I-Luv-Eeyore) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:45:10 +0000

The house is still up in the air. Our buyer and her buyer were supposed to try to get their differences settled over the weekend. We don't know, yet, if that has happened. If it didn't happen then everything falls apart and not only do we not get this place sold, but we lose our house down in T-town.

Saturday night I dreamt that the US was under attack and the school I was attending was trying to get all the kids in one 'safe' spot. I kept thinking---if the enemies bomb that one spot then ALL the kids are dead; we should spread them out so if one spot is hit all the kids aren't targets. At the same time I was trying to organize and file some stuff for a teacher. I was trying to make calm in an otherwise sea of chaos.

Last night I dreamt that I went to check on a house we used to own. It was destroyed, I walked into the house and dogs, puppies, cats and roaches scattered. The smell was horrid and when I checked further the side of the house was being washed away by a fast moving creek simply because someone hadn't taken the time to do normal routine maintenence on an outside pump-thingy. Weird.

Just got a call from Jordan. The principal made him call home and tell me that he has to have a hair cut---this evening---or he won't be allowed in school tomorrow. If we knew we were moving in two weeks, I'd talk to the old bat myself and argue about the need for a hair cut. But, since we don't have a clue---he'll get a cut this evening. ~sigh~

Chris got the shed cleared out this weekend. The garbage pile is bigger than any we've ever had. We gave the neighbors Jordan's trampoline. I managed to get A box packed. I need packing paper/material.

I need to pay bills. I was hoping this would be the last month for the storage building. But, now it's looking like that is going to go on for the fore-see-able future.

I need to get busy and get to work----I can't think straight. I HATE THIS! I hate it!! And I feel like I can't show my stress and be all nervous and what have you---because Chris is an absolute wreck. He hates where we are so bad---he was so happy that we were getting out...now we don't know if it is happening after all or not.

Dammit. I give up.

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