Things are still a bit rough around me; as far the construction and my grandmother's depression. Still life is moving and so am I. I woke up feeling happier, lighter. I'm eager to reexamine old options and seek new ones. Earlier this week I made the trek across town, with the Snickerdoodle in tow, to my school. Once again I attempted to re-enroll. However, as I figured since I never heard back from them when I applied online in February, I have a delinquent balance.
$1,903.00 to be exact.
Thus placing a big fat HOLD on my student account, record, etc. Apparently, during my last semester there my student loans didn't cover ALL of my tuition.
Ok... breathe.
Normally, I would have walked away feeling discouraged and taking it as another sign that school.. at least college just wasn't in the cards for me. Each time that I have gone to school with all over my gusto I managed to fall short and end up burnt out and worn out before seeing the finish line. I've been staring my last year... just one year... in the face for so long that it hurts sometimes to think that I have yet to completed my Bachelors. However, on Tuesday, I didn't feel defeated. I kept looking at my daughter's eyes and said
"I got to do this for the both of us."
I talked with the financial counselor, who was so into cooing and talking with the Snickerdoodle, and I found that all I need to do is make the payment through a cashier's check or money order for the HOLD to be removed IMMEDIATELY, especially with a November deadline approaching to register for the spring. If it is done through a personal check then there is a 45 to 50 day waiting period for everything to be cleared. What was funny was the fact that I seemed to be so mission oriented and eager to leave her office that she slowed me up a few times. I'm guessing just to catch a breather. She was really nice, and basically a stark contrast to what I had been use to from the folks in the administration building all those years. They were forceful voices that went along with folks who had no clue in what they were doing.
Considering the past when it came to school, my mother and money, I was very reluctant to go home and face the music. I basically felt I needed some sense talked into me in asking my parents for the money to pay off the balance and then I can move forward with enrollment and applying for another loan. Over and over, a voice in my head told me to just ask, and that it was ok.
Later in the evening when both of my parents were together I asked. Naturally, my father responded with
"Metro is hiring. You can drive a bus."
I half expected this answer from him, especially since weeks before an older brother called him to ask for assistance with his rent. My father showed tough love and basically told my brother that he is grown and needed to figure that out for himself. In so many words he used that same "love" on me.
As for my mother, education is no joke with her, which is why I do feel blessed to have been raised in a house hold where education is on the top of the list of things to accomplish. I can't wait to REALLY enforce the same value to my daughter. My mother looked a woeful, but she heard me out. She asked why did I wait until now for this. My heart started to sink a bit, because in an instant I thought about all of the money that is going into the renovations and new furniture that we do need. Me asking for money for school, meant that she would have go back and recalculate the budget.
In the end, she told me she would revisit the option in September.
All I could do was say ok and move on to another topic.
I keep repeating to myself one of the key points from Sunday's sermon from the guest preacher at my aunt's church.
Every Blessing Has An Issue. Be Consistent In Your Prayer.
I'm going back to school. I don't know how or when, but I'm going. I have a lot of people in my corner cheering me on to not go back.
MY ideal would be to scure a full time position that is decent in pay and pay off the balance myself. We shall see. I'm still checking freelance and full time opportunities. I'm visiting some options and hoping to discover new ones. I'm a fighter, I know this. Sometimes I just have to cry, bitch, moan and wail a bit to get out my frustration before moving forward. It's healthy as long as I don't revisit the past and wallow in my pity.
Today is not the day for that. Today is made for productivity and rejoicing.
I've been working on composing a poem/prose that has been stuck in my head for a week. I've been paying attention CNN's week long special report on Black in America and feeling inspired especially on the segments on single mothers and sucssesful single black women - Kudos to Soledad O'Brien. I've been sleeping a little better as I've been turning in a bit earlier than usual.
I just feel great.
I feel happy.
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