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Pendarvis Harshaw, an Oakland-based teen, recently sparked a slew of controversy with his public radio essay which stated that in his social circle, "sex without a condom is the new engagement ring." He said that for a generation who has grown up with safe sex education and divorced parents, the real symbol of trust, love and commitment has nothing to do with walking down the aisle; the ultimate oath is letting your guard down in the face of potentially life-long consequences. You can hear it here:  http://www.youthradio.org/wtnw/wtnwcondoms.shtml

Also, recently, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention acknowledged it had drastically underestimated the number of people becoming infected with AIDS in the United States. The CDC had been reporting 40,000 people get infected each year, but now the agency estimates the figure is 56,000—a 40 percent increase.

Increasingly, products and services are popping up to help young people in the dating scene protect themselves from catching an STD. 

Founded in 2003 by Eli Dancy, the STFree card is the world’s first and only Safe Sex License which gives users the ability to prove to another individual that they are STD-free; STD test results are accessed by calling a toll free number and entering in the membership number on the front of the card. (The SSL requires two sets of numbers in order to access its stored information)

You can find out more at: http://stfree.com/

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One more reason to vote for Senator Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States of America

At least 56,000 people become infected with the AIDS virus every year in the United States -- 40 percent more than previous estimates.

25 percent of those infected do not know it and can pass along the virus.

(BTW... This article was in Reuters UK.  At the time that I was posting this... it still had not shown up in Reuter USA?)

New report raises U.S. AIDS rate 40 percent
Government agency says better measuring methods led to fresh estimate
By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor
Sat Aug 2, 2008 4:16pm BST

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - At least 56,000 people become infected with the AIDS virus every year in the United States -- 40 percent more than previous estimates, according to a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The CDC stressed that actual infection rates have not risen but said better methods of measuring new diagnosed infections and then extrapolating this to the general population led to the fresh estimates.

"CDC's first estimates from this system reveal that the HIV epidemic is -- and has been -- worse than previously known. Results indicate that approximately 56,300 new HIV infections occurred in the United States in 2006," the CDC said in a statement.

"This figure is roughly 40 percent higher than CDC's former estimate of 40,000 infections per year, which was based on limited data and less precise methods."

Globally, 33 million people are infected with the human immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and 2 million die of it each year.

The CDC estimates roughly 1 million Americans are infected with the virus. Dr. Kevin Fenton, who heads CDC's AIDS branch, said 15,000 to 18,000 Americans die every year of AIDS.

"The data really confirm that there is a severe impact of this epidemic among gay and bisexual men in the United States ... as well as black men and women," Fenton said in a telephone interview.

More than 28,000 of the new infections are among men who have sex with men, the new estimates show. Close to 17,000 are among heterosexuals -- and 15,000 of these are women...

...AIDS spreads rampantly in prisons, he added. (I wonder how many of the 28,000 new infections among men who have sex with men, come from the prison population?)

Communities need to provide better education and testing services, Fenton said.

Fears of being stigmatized have stopped people from being tested -- 25 percent of those infected do not know it and can pass along the virus...

Full Story Here

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If I were to be politically incorrect, laughing at prostitutes would be wrong.
Laughing at people who contract HIV would be wrong.
Laughing at prostitutes who contract HIV would be... wrong.

If I were humane, sympathetic and sensitive, I wouldn't laugh but I don't have a stick up my arse either so I'm gonna have a crack at this one:

Prostitutes Lose HIV Immunity

"Prostitutes come from Kenya"

It's just about my favourite medical hypothesis to date: in order to control sexually-transmitted HIV, you should have continual sexual exposure to other people with HIV. It makes me wonder about alternative purposes of an HIV support group. It even makes me wonder about the cosmic purpose of HIV now.

So there you have it, people! I'm thinking swingers. I'm thinking orgies; threesomes, foursomes, harlots as heroes, let's make immunity towards HIV fun! Scratch inoculations, let's just go all out and stick to meat injections. Forget morality and modesty, we're saving lives, man! Work that scarlet letter! Imagine, a world where promiscuity saves lives and prevents viral genocide. Riveting. I like it. Now there's a way to save the world that hasn't been popular since the 70s. Eat that, Al Gore and Hollywood superstar, Leonardo DiCaprio!


Seriously speaking, I wonder how they conducted the research. It sounds rather diabolical. I saw something about prostitutes in Mexico being immune ages ago on the Discovery Channel but the details are fuzzy. Imagine being used as a lab rat for a deadly plague such as this, finally being able to retire from (what is generally considered) a degrading job, only to contract every prostitute's worst nightmare anyway. That's not very cheerful but it's real.

I signed up for Amnesty International the other day. Now I'm contributing a daily stipend to defend human rights; female genital mutilation, child prostitution, women's rights, human rights in China, Tibet, Burma, Africa and all that. A lot of issues that I've been bitching about, I finally get to put my money where my mouth is. However, solving the world's problems for AUD$0.15 a day sounds like a load of shit. I'm probably paying (or my dad is paying till I grow up and get a job like a human being) to console my conscience and I feel like an asshole. Nonetheless I'm hoping that there is such a thing as a butterfly effect. Never mind hoping for a god, he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

The idea of the minute effort of one person accumulating to the change of a life so far away... I think that's something to marvel about. Giving someone else the chance to experience life better sounds like a great gesture. If not in effect, at least in good will. And I don't know about you... but I would much rather these hands did more than cup together for whispers any day. Definitely.

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         It was so great to retreat to Kigali for a few days and get a change of scenery. We slept in…for most college students in the summer that means rolling out of bed around lunchtime – for us it was about 9 am, but it felt way later since we’re used to getting up before 7 a lot of the time. We spent the day walking around the parts of Kigali that we were familiar with (don’t worry, Mom, these were the busy parts where they’re used to seeing tourists wandering) and dipping in gift shops sometimes…many times…um, yeah, that may have been our purpose for the day, actually. We ate lunch at an incredible Indian restaurant and dinner at an Italian restaurant – the same two places where we went with Olivier when we were going to/coming from the game-park. Sure, we could’ve tried a random place to get a new experience, but since so much of this trip has taken us by surprise, it was nice to feel like something was under our control (even if that “something” was just a curry dish and pizza). Sunday we did more of the same and came back to Butare late in the afternoon.

         This week we’re working at sites about an hour and a half away from Butare center, along the same spine-shattering dirt road where we went to do construction with the USA team. Yesterday we worked outside on the side of a hill where the wind was pretty fierce and kept snatching up our papers – and making avocados fall from the tree we were under. Great, I thought, if I don't die in an outhouse, it'll be from a falling avocado. Which would be more pathetic obituary? We survived though and moved to a different site for today's interviews, where there was no threat of falling vegetables.

         We’ve had some pretty interesting interviews this week, mainly surrounding the section where we ask about their HIV/AIDS awareness. One girl that Jessica interviewed said that she “always practiced abstinence,” even though she was noticeably pregnant. Hmm. Olivier wisely suggested, “Maybe she’s the Virgin Mary II?” Another girl today said that the only thing she remembered learning in her HIV/AIDS training was that HIV comes from gorillas. Nothing about using condoms or the symptoms of the disease or anything? Nope. How reassuring.

         The jeep stalled about 20 minutes away from Butare center and we chilled there with a crowd watching until a truck drove by and Alice happened to know those people so we hitched a ride with them. We piled into the truck, along with seven men and one small boy who were in the back, which could not have been safe. But it seems like pretty much anything goes here in Rwanda.

The best moment this week came right after we stepped out of the car on Monday ready to conduct the interviews. The first thing we see is an adorable little girl watching us. We smiled and waved and she smiled back…and then peed right there, through her pants (clearly no diaper). There were plenty of adults around, including her mother, and no one flinched as the girl just did her thing right there in the middle of the civic center compound. We were so confused, but I was more jealous than anything ‘cause I’d wanted to do that the entire car ride. If only I was a cute, innocent little Rwandan girl and not a muzungo with dozens of people watching us avidly, as if we were about to explode at any moment. 

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As I look back over my life I am reminded of how much people loved one another.  Girls and boys could be the best of friends without having sex.  I am not ruling out the activity of sex during that time but it did not rule over the heart as it does today.

We are finding more and more sexual activity is taking place among our youths at a younger and younger age.  Also with this growing number, we find sexual activity multiplying among the same sexual preferences.  With that, we also see an outrage of infidelity.  What is all of this telling us?  Very simple, we are not developing our total selves.  The physical self is ruling and it is doing so with no conscious of morality.  No one wants to admit the human race has lost touch with its purpose to exist.  When you have no program, heathen tendencies rule our conscious.  We were created to love one another unconditionally.

Why sex?  I had to ask myself this question knowing I too have in my lifetime experienced revealing my nakedness to a man for the first time knowing just maybe I should not do this.  But I completed the mission with no thought of the risks.  Why?  Because in that moment I and so many other people allow the adrenalin rush to bond with another human overtake our logic.  It is just that simple.  We dive in hoping for something magical, special, bonding and at times proof that love is possible.  The very act itself promises no bed of roses only hope that maybe just maybe we are special to someone or we just downright need to feel something, something we do not experience outside of this experience.

What we are seeking is a conscious connection to someone.  We need love a love that makes us feel alive and appreciated.  When we surrender to this quickening, we are escaping the alienated world we exist in.  Love is so rare and seldom felt that we lose touch with the sensations that make it special between two people.  It is easier to search for each other under the sheets instead of above water face to face.  The natural tendencies to feel the needs and desires of one another have been savored due to selfishness and self seeking to survive in a world that hates love.

Sex without the spirit of love is void.  People keep indulging in the act like a crack head looking to recapture the first euphoric moment of ecstasy.  They roam from partner to partner hoping for a fulfillment that only God can fill.  You see God is love and love is God.  It is a far more than an orgasmic experience.  The orgasmic experience only reveals a false and temporal fulfillment in comparison to experiencing the reality of God.  Whether we acknowledge God or not, human nature will seek gratification because there is something in them that desires its Creator, because God put that desire there at birth.  You may think you need a sexual fix.  It is not that, it is God calling you to experience His reality.

Lonely people sleep together every night.  They have sex and experience an unfulfilled that not even they understand.  At times they will creep on their partner thinking he or she is not delivering when in reality no human can deliver fulfillment but God.  Without God, a destructive force rules our sexual indulgence.  This is why diseases and unwanted children are spreading like wild fire.  All the outcomes are evidence of a lack of love.  We are moving too fast to see.  This is how the world controls our choices.  The first step in saving ourselves is to be still and know we belong to God.  WITHOUT LOVE, SEX IS JUST FALSE HOPE FOR IT.  Yes, we are a world of love starved people.

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Well the surgery went well yesterday. The Dr. had a couple of problems one was that the incision he made at my belly button was too small to take out my very large and full of stone gall bladder. So he had to make the incision bigger than normal to remove the gall bladd with out cutting it up. In the process of enlarging the incision he knicked his finger with the scalpel! Oh my. He said absolutely no blood of his got to me be my blood did get in his cut. So he asked me to consent to a HIV test. Of course. I told him he didn't need to spend a lot of time worrying about it but understood the protocol. He said he was't worried that I seem extremely low risk but it is something he has to do. Outside of that all was text book. I was out of recover in an hour and half and off to home.

When I got home I proceeded to lay on the couch a doze all afternoon. Girlchild cooked speghetti for the boys and made me chicken noodle soup. For not eating since 9:00 pm that night before I wasn't at all hungry but it did feel good to get something in my tummy. Even today I am not hungry. I think it is the pain pills that cause that.

I didn't sleep much last night. My kidneys and bladder decided to wake up from the anesthia (sp) I had to pee all night long :( Not to mention I could only sleep on my back cause it hurt to lay on either side :( I can not sleep on my back worth beans. Even with the pain meds all I could do is doze, once I start to dreft off a bit I had to pee.

This morning I feel a bit better than yesterday. My stomach is grossly swollen especially above the belly button. I have an icepack on it now. I will attempt to eat some oatbran cereal and take a small walk outside. Talking it all very slow for a couple of days.

Thanks to all who have prayed!!! I truely felt them and had a peace the entire time!!!

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I have got to read this book. I heard Terry Gross interviewing the author on "Fresh Air". She was fascinating. The things she talked about in the book seemed fascinating.

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Data taken from the Malaysian AIDS Council, opinions are my own.

Fact: 4741 new cases of HIV and AIDS reported came from men, 937 from women.

Yet, the government insist that women be the ones to bring around condoms.

Fact: Out of 5689 newly reported cases of HIV and AIDS, only 232 cases are from a homosexual/bisexual relationship.

Yet there are those who insist that AIDS and HIV is God's wrath against homosexuality, to the point of branding this a crime.

Fact: Out of 5689 newly reported cases of HIV and AIDS, only 31 cases are those who are sex workers.

Yet, there is general misconception that these people are guilty for the spread of this disease.

So with these facts mentioned and published in the AIDS Council website, perhaps there is a need to re-examine some of the justifications brought forth by this government in their decision making.

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    The morality of our generation has decayed to the point of disgust.  We’ve moved so close to accepting same-sex relationships, despite what God says about it.  Same sex relationships are at the forefront of issues we are facing today; legalizing same-sex marriage, same-sex adoptions, etc.  Do we have to be rocket scientist to see the relevance of Romans 1:24-27 to issues of today?  If so, read on:

This information comes from major surveys on same-sex attractions.  Promiscuity is at the extreme end of the spectrum among same-sex attractions.  Many of their contacts are with strangers.  Through some of their own admissions, they average somewhere between 106 and 1105 different partners in a year, so the potential for infection is considerable.  This study indicates that about 90% of men who have sex with men engage in rectal sex.  Rectal sex is dangerous.  During rectal intercourse the rectum becomes a mixing bowl for saliva and its germs, the recipients own feces, other germs and the seminal fluid of the inserter.  It is the most efficient way to spread hepatitis B, HIV, syphilis and a host of other blood-borne diseases.  Other activities such as fisting, licking, and urine sex are risky behaviors.  Hepatitis A is also a result these risky behaviors.

Death and disease accompany promiscuous and unsanitary sexual activity.  The typical life-span of men who have sex with men suggests that their activities are more destructive than smoking and as dangerous as drugs.  The median age of death for men who have sex with men was virtually the same nationwide.  If AIDS was the cause of death, the median age was 39.  For the 829 gays who died of something other than AIDS, the median age of death was 42, and 9% died old.  The 163 lesbians had a median age of death of 44, and 20% died old.

God is still setting the captives free.  All you have to do is trust Him and believe.

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So, I decided to commit this blog to something more meaningful to me and something that I am becoming more and more familiar with everyday.  My Faith.

I have been a Believer since I was approximately 10 years old.  I saw how the Spirit moved in my family at that time.  Prompting from what it seemed, my father to taking the lead in our families life by readjusting his and bringing us in the Faith.  But as time went on he completely left me but the Lord didn't.

As I have gotten older I have started to see why God allowed things to be what they have become.  I am learning the real meaning of God's Love and appreciate and fully understand what Jesus actually did on that cross.  Don't get me wrong.  I totally have believed from the time I gave my life to Christ that He died on the cross, stayed in the tomb until Sunday morning and Rose Again to be with His Father for our/my sins.  But to really understand what that means and see how much we take for granted brings a whole new understanding to the matter.

Currently, one of the books I am ready is A Heart After God by Elizabeth M. Hoekstra.  She makes the following statement: "We need to stay committed to loving Him even when we're tired, even when it hurts, even when it doesn't make sense, even when debris and grit need to be removed from our hearts.  It's a commitment of love to love God above all else." 

How many times have we actually parted our lips to say we were mad at God?  How many times have we turned our back on God because we were so busy?  How many times have we not gotten up earlier in the day and/or stayed up a little later at night to spend some time with God?  One more question.  How would we feel if God did that to us when a loved one was sick, our teenager was in a car accident, or when our marriage was crumbling in front of our very eyes?

Staying committed is not a walk in the park by any means.  And this world (satan) definitely doesn't want to see us succeed in a deeper relationship with the Lord.  Why would it?  If satan can keep our minds off of eternity and focused on the moment than he has accomplished something.  The world wants us to concentrate on the "now".  That is way everything revolves around bling, sex, violence, and drugs.

Satan wants us to become obsessed with the lives of celebrities because they have the latest fashion, jewelry, relationships, etc.  And if they have it now of course we think we should have it now.  That's when thoughts of; "If I had more money, I would be set."  Let's think about this.  If you had more money to buy frivolous things would you acquire more debt?  Or, would you have to come up with more ways to keep the money coming in?  If we have problems with keeping the jobs that allow us to stay afloat just imagine how much harder it would be to keep the one that allowed us to just splurge when we felt like it.

What about sex?  There is the constant battle about people waiting to have sex when they are married.  Well, why?  Why wait to have sex when I'm married when it's easier to just give it up now with pretty much anybody I want too?  I mean I have birth control, condoms, the morning after pill, abortion, drugs for STD's and HIV/AIDS.  I mean what is really stopping me?  I'm invincible.

Then violence and drugs.  If I am going to die anyway why should I not join a gang or slang drugs to make more than my peeps in the corner office?  I mean I am going to die anyway so I might as well do what I want to do.  Live by the sword, die by the sword.

But if we look at these things from God's perspective.  You will realize a whole new meaning to life.  The life that Christ made for us.  If we have our minds set on Jesus than we have our minds made up for eternity.  After we pass away and our souls leave this shell of a body we can either live eternity in Heaven or hell.  And trust, hell is not described as a vacation spot in Florida.  So, if we are going to leave this earth what will all the bling we get on this side really mean?

Waiting until I get married to have sex will bring Glory to God because we are being obedient to his word.  And you can have all the protection and all the drugs to cure some sexual encounter you have had but God has the last say on whether you live through it or die.  Have you ever seen the struggle of a HIV/AIDS patient?  Do you really know how it feels after you have aborted a life?  Do you know how much you can accomplish as a teenager without an unplanned pregnancy because he said you can't get pregnant the first time or "I'll pull out"?

And my people that usually get involved in drugs and violence are people that feel as if no one else loves them but them streets or that hit.  But I am here to tell you, God loves us so much that He gave His ONLY Son.  Please believe that Jesus didn't have to come on this earth to teach us anything.  He very well could have stayed at home with His Father or changed His mind to be beaten, embarrassed and hung on a cross with nails and thorns.

The Lord placed it on my heart to redirect my blog to speak about Him because I am thinking about Him constantly.  And I need to continue reaching out in His Name in different avenues to constantly feed my Spirit and prayerfully someone else's.  This was my first blog so please be patient with me and continue to pray for me and my growth in this area.

I pray that this will touch someone and all questions and comments are welcome.

2 Chronicles 16:9) "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose heart are fully committed to him"

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I've been tired and sleep-deprived in the past but this feels different.  Raging headache squeezing the top of my head for the last 8 hours, eyelids heavy, and my mouth hanging half-open like a child with cerebral palsy. 

Each week in the ICU we have a different attending.  The main difference between them -- aside from ways of practicing medicine-- is the time they choose to start their work day.  My attending this week has chosen a 5:00 am start time.

I woke up at 3:45 this morning in order to be in the ICU and ready to work by 5.  3:45 gave me enough time to shower, dress, drive into town, and walk the half mile or so between the parking garage and the hospital.  I made it to the ICU by 4:55 am... and there I sat twiddling my thumbs until the attending showed up at 5:55.  Apparently he had fallen asleep in one of the call rooms because he'd been in surgery until 3:30 in the morning.  I didn't have time to be upset over how I could've gotten an extra hour of sleep because I was too tired to be feel any emotion.

I don't want to complain too much because there are plenty of surgery residents out there who always start their job at 5 in the morning.  It is part of their culture.  I only have to endure this temporarily... and then I can go back to waking up at 4:45 in the morning for my anesthesia job.  It's only an hour's difference, but it has completely thrown my body out of whack.  I think my body is telling me that it is physiologically abnormal and absurd to be waking up at 3:45 in the morning.  It was eery to drive down I-95 -- completely dark and devoid of other cars.

Thanks for all the well wishes on the previous post.  Unfortunately, I followed up today at Occupational Health and learned that the jury is still out on her Hepatitis C status.  For some reason I was only thinking about the HIV, and had forgotten about Hep C-- which her blood is being tested for as we speak; the results take a bit longer to come in.  Therefore they had to draw blood from me as well this morning to measure my baseline titers/liver enzymes... and I'll have to be tested again in a few months.  I also had to endure a sort of mini-lecture from the doctor about how to avoid this sort of incident again in the future...

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I was on-call last night and had to place an arterial line.  I got it in on the first try, but when I removed the needle/guidewire I accidentally stuck myself on the other hand.  "Ow", I said instinctively.  "You okay?"  the nurse asked; "did you stick yourself?"  "No, I'm okay," I mumbled.  Not sure why I lied.  Maybe because I was arguing with myself in my head whether I was going to report this.  I ignored the bloodstain that was seeping from my hand to my glove.  I'm sure this 70 year patient doesn't have HIV, I thought to myself.  And what if she does?  my head said.  You're going to be in a lot of trouble.  "You know what," I said to the nurse after a minute.  "Looks like I did stick myself." 

And so it began.  Within minutes, the senior surgery resident covering the floors arrived to cover the ICU for me while I went down to the emergency room.  He called them ahead of time and they were already expecting me.  I had to register, get my vitals (did I really need this?  I screamed in my head).  An attending came within minutes to see me in my room, held my hand to see if he could squeeze out any more blood, and said I'd have to start Combivir, maybe even Kaletra.  Chances of that 70 year old patient having HIV were slim, but she was an immigrant from a country with extremely high prevalence of AIDS.  I also feared that if she did have HIV, the risk of acquiring it, though slim (3 in a 1000), were slightly increased because I was stuck with a hollow-bore needle, rather than a solid needle; the needle had actually been inside her artery, rather than just skin or some body cavity; and the needle was covered in her blood. 

The ED doc called the infectious disease doc who oversees these needlestick accidents; he said I only had to take Combivir.  The nurse gave me a pill to take right away, and a bag of more pills for the rest of the week.  They gave me some paperwork and said we had to get a blood sample from the patient in order to test her HIV status.  The papers included a consent form-- the laws are strict about getting proper consent for an HIV test.  Unfortunately, the patient was intubated and pretty much toasted anyways from a severe stroke.  It was the middle of the night and no family members were around.  Not only did we need to get their consent, but I was not allowed to get the consent myself (conflict of interest) and someone else had to get it.  Ultimately the senior surgery resident called up the patient's son and got consent over the phone.  He then left to go take care of his stuff and I resumed care of my ICU patients. 

Two hours later the lab calls me and refuses to process her bloodwork because they would not accept a telephone consent.  I called the infectious disease doc who oversees the lab; he said a telephone consent with a witness would be alright.  I called the lab back; the same tech who was an a-hole before was an a-hole again.  He refused to believe that I called the infectious disease doc ("You called him at this time of night?!  You called him about this?!  He didn't get mad at you?!").  He then said he still wouldn't process the bloodwork until I got the infxs disease doc to call him himself with the command to process the bloodwork.  By this point I was in tears.  I wanted to know if this lady had HIV and if I was going to die.  I knew I was really blowing things out of proportion at this point, since she probably didn't have it and I had already started taking the medicine anyways... but I was getting stressed out.  When I get stressed out, I perseverate and struggle even more to get something done right away because I can't seem to move on. 

But I had to move on.  I had to let it go.  Nobody would do anything for me until I got a family member's signature.  Of course, they wouldn't come until later in the day, and I left work at 8:30 am.  Fortunately, the resident on call today took the paperwork for me and took care of it when the family members arrived later.  The infectious disease doctor called me personally at home this afternoon with the results of the patient's bloodwork.  Non reactive to HIV.  A sweet relief.  No more medications either.  Just have to go for a follow up appointment at the occupational health clinic tomorrow.

I feel like I've gotten a new lease on life.  ♥

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"One important key to success is self-confidence.  An important key to self-confidence is preparation." -- Arthur Ashe

Tennis great who contracted HIV in 1988 during blood transfusions due to heart surgery.  He died from complications from AIDS in 1993.

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