Vox’s posts tagged funny

Friendship: None of that sissy crap

nobody@vox.com(EnjoyBeing) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:48:43 +0000

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here..

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how muchworse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off.

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth.

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Amazing simple home remedies

nobody@vox.com(EnjoyBeing) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:37:09 +0000

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

4. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough.

5. You only need 2 tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

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Take on Take on Take on Me

nobody@vox.com(Scott) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:33:48 +0000

Thanks to rubrick for pointing out this annotated edition of the well-known A-Ha video:

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

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funny, but...

nobody@vox.com(arbed) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:04:15 +0000

This pic from ICHC cracked me up but it also perfectly demonstrates what is probably my only problem with lolcats: either write your caption in lolspeak or write it in proper English. Writing a whole caption in proper English with the exception of one lolspeak word just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Maybe it's just an odd peeve I have, but there you go.

Funny-pictures-yes-the-grass-will-make-excellent-barfs

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Fishing story

nobody@vox.com(EnjoyBeing) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:11:09 +0000

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are
magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

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Investment tips for 2009

nobody@vox.com(EnjoyBeing) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:51:46 +0000

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2009:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally:

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

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If The Candidates Were Trains...

nobody@vox.com(Kimmers) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:37:03 +0000

Candidates=trains

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The Funniest Thing I've Seen All Week

nobody@vox.com(The Green Girl) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:42:12 +0000

Sorry it takes forever to load... but it is worth it.

SNL VP Debate

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I <3 this commercial!

nobody@vox.com(E to the S) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:21:53 +0000

Funny D Q Dipping Dog Commercial

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Jeebus is in DA HOWSE!

nobody@vox.com(Synik103) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 17:37:41 +0000

The last 20 seconds of the last video are effing perfect. I love this.

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Why Heart Drinks And Club?

nobody@vox.com(Shin) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 10:07:22 +0000

Frequently asked question

What is so interesting about clubbing beside checking out chic, having a tipsy day, bond some new friends and dance music?

Well, for me i think i enjoy the process more like

Joe Last Day - The surrender of the dragon (Episode 1)

Hahaha ... at least he know his limit....

But this poor guy ahlut is a bit unfortunate, the whole wasted process being dupe to youtube

from 'Before' ____ til 'After'

AhLut Poppy (B4)

AhLut Poppy (After)

One thing about clubbing that i don't really get it is..
Why do some people like to get their friends down? It's like they'll pour a glass of liquor and insist their friend on finishing it.I say it's typical Malaysiane culture. And you wouldn't know the things someone would do when he or she is tipsy/drunk. Seriously, there's all kinds of behaviors, like Justin when he get totally drunk he'll went berserk. Anyone who dare to touch him will get a piece of him. Achaaaaaaaaaaaaa !

Ghai1

LoL... Ok I think that everyone should know whether can they take a drink or not and control their drinking.

You'll never know if there's someone taking embarrassing pictures of you, right. Heee! Not to mention the other worst case scenarios that could happen if you drink too much.

When you get totally wasted you might stand a chance to become

1411644457_c660db0057_o

"LANDAK"

1412527628_b8e7f49146_o

Model?

1412528514_7f0bd0c637_o

Ouch that gotta be hurt!

1411642091_3509da370f_o

LMAO! This is how Jason make his name Sihang ...

1411643899_03f2c32932_o

Biology class board

1411644083_5fd71cc35d_o

I hope i could see someone doing live like this in club

1411641499_44d5f1f664_o

Holy Shit his world is upside down now!

1411642641_f694d6768a_o

Not going to fall?

That's why alcohol sometime could be good and humourous..... Yeah let's go party when i come back!

Here's the master piece of kou .. (too bad this is not full video)

Joe Last Day - GanYan Loong And Kai Meng (episode 3)

Do you understand cantonese? hehe

OK, I Miss My Country

Kindly leave some lame comment if you have nothing better to do *^o^*

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Huh.... what.... right ... unh...

nobody@vox.com(Rottin' in Denmark) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 09:18:11 +0000

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How engineers fold a T-Shirt.

nobody@vox.com(Siddharth Nair) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:20:35 +0000

The second best T-Shirt video. I have ever seen.

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I love the Onion!

nobody@vox.com(Jillzey) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:54:15 +0000

So funny that it makes me cry!

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World support for McCain / Palin

nobody@vox.com(DelusionalAngel) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:06:58 +0000

Oh did I say I prefer positive messages? oopsie! Well I guess this is positive, I mean look at all of the world support McCain and Palin have *smirk* Thankie to Krizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz for the laugh. See Dutchies rock, they find the best stuff ;)

World Leaders for McCain Palin

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Let's redesign the Google logo!

nobody@vox.com(Igor) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:53:27 +0000

A Pastor stood up once and spoke in my Church, and he said there are three international words that he can use in any country to any congregation. The first one is Hallelujah, the second is Amen, and the last one is Coca-Cola!

One thing we know is that the Coca-Cola brand is easy to recognize, we see it everywhere and it has outlived most of the identity designs and brands: it just looks great.

Another logo is Google, an equivalent of Coca-Cola for the internet in terms of popularity has started about 10 years ago.

Google Red

Wouldn't it be cool to imagine what would have Google looked like had they used a calligraphic logo, let's say even Coca-Cola's exact style. Here's my take on it.

Also let's not forget the colors.

Google Colors

Here we go, a Google, redesigned.

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advice?

nobody@vox.com(kandykisses) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 22:57:29 +0000

k so i need some sexual advice does anyone think they can help me?

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Tina Fey Is The New Sarah Palin

nobody@vox.com(David Tokheim) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:48:36 +0000

Sarah Palin, Tina Fey on SNL

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Laugh of the day....

nobody@vox.com(Joey) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:58:12 +0000

Once in awhile I get a forward that makes me literally laugh out loud.
Tina sent me one yesterday and I thought I'd share because I think it is that funny....

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six
items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're
absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

LOL
Funny, huh?
You laughed out loud, right?
You're welcome!
:-)

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Soziale Netzwerke einmal anders

nobody@vox.com(Marc) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:44:25 +0000

Eine Liste von alleinr bis Hatebook...

http://brainwash.robertundhorst.de/uncategorized/kuriose-online-social-networks-liste/

Ins Hatebook kann man zukünftig all die Kontaktaufnahmen gänzlich Unbekannter mit Dauergrinsen im Porträt stellen, die schon 1000 "Freunde" haben, von denen sie allerdings 997 nicht kennen. Eigentlich sind solche Leute ja alleinr :)

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