And thank YOU for just everything in life!
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Are we intrigued by the death of someone that we don't personally know. I think that we are. I know that I am both intrigued and deeply affected, sometimes for reasons that I cannot explain.
For example:
When Dale Earnhardt was killed in the 2001 Daytona 500 I was not a Nascar fan. This particularly redneck dude I was dating at the time called me up. "Are you watching this race?" "No!" I replied with disgusted dignity. He lived in a kind of bachelor pad/college dorm type house where several guys lived together. The other line beeped in continuously. All calls about Dale Earnhardt's untimely wreck and later to be discovered, death. That was Sunday. Early Monday morning I started reading about what had happened on the internet. I read article after article about this man who had died. Of course, living in Alabama I was aware of Nascar. I had even been to Talladega 3 times, but it was strictly to party in the infield and I was vaguely aware that a race was going on (definitely my loss because at that time, Big E was still on the track and I missed it all). The more I read, the more I was affected, it got into my blood and my heart and I'm still grieving the loss of a man that I knew nothing about when he was alive. I've missed very few races since then.
When my daughter was 1 year old, on the day after Thanksgiving my boyfriend and I took her to the mall to go shopping. Afterwards we drove home. No big deal right? After arriving home I received a phone call from my sister who wanted to make sure Hailey was OK. "Of course she is why?" I said. There had been a little girl shot and killed riding in a truck with her parents. She was in her car seat between her parents when her body suddenly went limp. It was determined that it was a stray bullet from a deer hunter in the area, the bullet had come through the back window and into her head. I soon learned that this family lived very close to us, that the little girl was within one month of Hailey's exact age, AND they had gone the same route that we had gone to the same mall and the parents had bought the little girl some cowboy boots (she was wearing them when she died). This totally freaked me out for a very long time.
I somehow happened upon a story online about a woman who was pregnant with twins. It was a rather late in life pregnancy with the woman's second husband. She already had two grown daughters from a previous marriage but she was healthy and her pregnancy was uneventful; however she died delivering the second baby. Out of curiosity I found this woman's myspace page and I found progressive photos of her growing belly, photos of the developing nursery and photos of the children she left behnd. It deeply affected me for some reason. I guess because this woman was so excited about the birth of these babies and, from what I read, she only got to see one of them before she lost consciousness. These kind of things really make you scratch your head and wonder "Why"?
I have also been affected by the death of certain other celebrities. When I heard that Heath Ledger had died, at first I didn't know exactly who it was but I soon found out. I had watched 10 Things I Hate About You many times and loved the movie. I loved him most of all. I immediately went out and bought the movie for Hailey to watch and I also bought Brokeback Mountain (although I have not watched it yet). I read and read about Heath, his life, his history, his daughter, his family. Such a beautiful, talented young man who had so much more life ahead. The debut of The Dark Knight has broken box-office records and from what I hear and read, a lot of that has to do with not only Heath's performance, but also the fact that he is no longer with us. It is a very sad and intriguing story and for some unknown reason, I am deeply effected. Heath Ledger was such an attractive young man and one of those who is so good-looking that I can hardly bear to look at photos where his eyes bore into me. Here are a few that I snagged from TMZ.
Note: These photos did not have a copyright or watermark on them and right-click was not disabled so, to me that means they are free for the taking. I'm just posting this because I know how sleazy TMZ can be and I want to make sure I'm covered. RIP Heath.
PS: My son went to see The Dark Knight last night and he said it was absolutely amazing and Heath's portrayal of The Joker was chilling and demented and downright astounding. Hailey and I may go see it tomorrow.
]]>What is the most annoying stereotype people say about the country or place where you're from?
Not so much as what people say, but more so, what they do...
If your not interested in a culinary venture, why stop others from seeking solace, especially children. If your kid takes a gander at my succulent banana egg rolls and grabs a bite of its sweet stickiness, don't stop 'em, and especially don't stop 'em with me standing right there cause I will blog about it! C'mon don't we want our children to seek adventure, and what better way than with food, right. It shouldn't matter that it looks "DIFFERENT" to you, bite your tongue, I make a pretty damn tasty banana taste even better!
We're in a different time, and mind you, I live in a community that is a melting pot of different cultures. You'd think that people would have adapted to differences by now, but particular moments like these halt my aspirations for co-existence. No, I will not sit at the back of the bus, thank you!
The Dottir is due to come over to London at the end of the month, and I was looking for something for a theatre night out when I came across a production of 'They're Playing Our Song' at Menier Chocolate Factory. I hope she gives this musical the green light as I have great memories of working on a production of 'Song' in 1983. My second career was in theatre, and I spent three happy years working in design at Perth Rep. On this production the quick-changes were brutal for the leading lady and I ended up doing them myself. The technology for body mikes was not as evolved and dinky as it is today, and racing against the clock with every kind of fastening, boho-chic layers, sweaty skin, feral battery packs and in 90% darkness in the wings, I was just soooo glad that, the female lead, Cindy Wells, was more brilliant trouper than diva, and that the unseen adrenalin-fuelled frenzy (and silent swearing) accompanying each exit and entrance went well. Happy days...
The closing party of the Skin:Inks exhibition on July 10 had to be the coolest Hong Kong party in many months. Party goers, celebrities, über-cool tattooed guys and gals packed Cliq nightclub to celebrate skin art and raise funds for the Kely Support Group. So-u.Tv’s team was there to catch all the action including Phat Chan from 24 Herbs getting a tattoo by Gabe, David Beckham's tattoo artist. See it all at http://www.so-u.tv/playVideo.php?id=1888
As regular readers of my various blogs over the years know, I frequently listen to the Neal Boortz radio show as a way to monitor what those on the Right are saying.
Boortz often rants about public schools, which he always refers to as "government schools". His contention is that public schools exist not to fully educate students, but rather to give them just enough education to be good citizens, but not so much that they would seriously question how things are in our culture. Boortz has often stated that if it were up to him, he'd abolish the public school system and institute "school choice", which is another name for the voucher system.
While I agree that much about the public school system that needs improvement, and I've ranted about it here on my blog, I think Boortz' views, though they have a grain of truth to them, are extreme, to say the least.
Though there are substandard teachers in the schools -- I know, because I dealt with them during my son's school years -- there are also many gifted, caring teachers who make a difference in their students' lives and school districts that have outstanding programs.
Boortz also misses the point that the best thing a teacher or a school can do is to give students the tools in which they can further educate themselves throughout their lives. My father taught me, and I've taught my son, that if one is a fully fluent reader and a competent researcher, then that person is capable of getting a good education, regardless of what kind of school they're in. That is, if you're a good reader and researcher, you have the tools to acquire the rest of the knowledge that one needs to have a well-rounded education. Motivated students always take the initiative in educating themselves, even when they have teachers to guide them, and don't wait passively for others to educate them.
Personally, I think Boortz' "government education" rant theme is just another in his elitist worldview, along with his "poor, badly done to rich people" theme.
Thoughts?
]]>What soon-to-be-published book are you excited to read?
This is the new book coming out from one of my favorite Voxers, R.G. Ryan. The book is due to be published in September, and contains many of the best of R.G.'s observations from a seat at St. Arbucks. Please watch out for this book, and support a fellow Voxer by buying it when it comes out. If you are not familiar with R.G.'s writing, here's a sample.
]]>Is it just me, or has America gone baby-bonkers? I can't read celebrity gossip anymore without knowing who might be knocked up, who is knocked up, when they're due, if they may or may not be in the hospital, if it's twins, if it's a boy or a girl, what they're buying for their new addition, details of the birth, baby names, first family photo tabloid bidding wars....
I mean, yeah, I guess it's big news when Angelina Jolie or whomever has had a baby, and I am admittedly a huge fan of celebrity baby names - but now we're in on the whole process. I'm practically sitting in on Ashlee Simpson's Lamaze classes - and it creeps me out.
On Fourth of July, my s.o. and I went to a barbeque at his friend's house. His friend, over the years, has morphed into a caricature of all things New Jersey - but that said, he seems to be a good guy.
Just after arriving and mining through the beer-stocked refrigerator (which took me all of 30 seconds), I noticed the all-but-designated mommy-and-baby table. I felt like saying, "yeah, I left mine at home." Throughout the evening, others assumed my s.o. and I are married. We received unsolicited tales of childbirth and pregnancy, and unsolicited advice - chiefly "don't get married, don't have kids." Literally, it was like "good night, guys - don't have kids!"
Yet that's all the media seems to want me to do. Marriage and kids are portrayed as the be-all end-all, and you're deemed selfish if you don't think that way. If you think that it's less selfish to think of the environmental benefits of not procreating, are just not into kids, or fear the unspeakable - that you may regret becoming a parent - there's simply no room in the discussion for you.
I am not staunchly anti-child for myself - I'm very much on the fence. If and when I decide to have a child, I would have to want one more than I've wanted anything in the world - even more than when I wanted a cat as a kid, and boy, did I want a cat badly. When and if I'm putting baby-themed backgrounds on my laptop and lusting after baby clothes, I'll know it's time. After, of course, I've deeply considered that this will change everything about my entire life permanently, including but certainly not limited to my relationship with my spouse, hobbies, success in my career, values, need for caffeine, and continence - and have no doubt that the benefits would outweigh the drawbacks. I'm not at all there yet, and I am not positive I will be.
At the same time, the media is feeding me messages that my eggs are molding over by the day. Now, I know it's semi-true, you doctors out there, but I don't think that the right reason to have a child at a time when I am not ready is that I might regret not having done so. If I'm not ready until 40, so be it. If I fail to get knocked up at that point, y'know, I don't think my genes are so amazing that it would be a sin not to pass them on - I think adoption is a wonderful thing.
I never understood, entirely, when people said that the reason for marriage was to procreate, but in a way, I kind of get it - you don't want to be stuck with someone who doesn't want kids when you really, really do. Or even worse, for your partner to discover a burning desire for kids years into your marriage when you're not at all ready - now they're miserable and you're stressed. Maybe you think "I guess we'll have one" as a compromise. Some compromise! Hope that works out, I really do. And yeah, I personally have no idea how people deal with these issues when, God forbid, they arise...
Anyway, my point is that the culture's obsession with baby-making has gotten to the point where it's affecting normal people's ability to think for themselves on a very important issue. People should have kids because they really want to - not because anyone is pressuring them to do so. Parenthood is not for everyone. You can probably think of someone in your life who has procreated, and you are totally horrified at the thought of their being a parent.
And who benefits? Well, babies are big business. Think about that statement, until you feel as disturbed by its implications as I do.
I'm not having kids to support the economy, nor to carry on my name, nor for my spouse, nor for my parents, nor because "everyone else is doing it", nor because I might regret not having done so, nor for any other reason other than that I feel a strong, primal need to do so and know that I possess the financial and emotional resources necessary for being a successful parent. So I'll be taking those little white pills until then - or until Jesusland, oops, I mean America outlaws them, which is a whoooole other blog post.
It never ceases to amaze me how your whole life can change in a matter of days. When the common order that once was your daily routine no longer exists well one can’t help but feel a bit lost. That’s how I feel today, as if I had to do something but I just can’t remember what it was. I leave my apartment and I feel like I left my keys or the stove top on… What changed everything you might ask. Well that’s simple, that I can answer. It was China.
I left for China all by myself. Of course I knew I was part of a group from my University but I knew absolutely no one. 4 hrs to New York and 14 hours to China, I sat by myself thinking of those things I wanted to leave behind on this trip. Like a dead end, on and off again never official relationship, my lack of discipline and my bad habit of recycling boys instead of meeting new ones… But most important of all I wanted to find myself in China.
How pray tell can you expect to find yourself in an unknown foreign country where no one speaks your language? Well I think that most people are self-centered. In life one is almost always worried about their own, the world revolves around them. What is considered “normal,” what is expected of you, all depends on your culture. When you immerse yourself in a different culture you realize that the world is huge and that problems are relative to your reality. But at the same time that world is small, in a matter of hours you can be in a different reality but in the end humans are humans and we feel all the same.
China exceeded my expectations in every aspect. From the country itself, its people, to what was to happen to me while I was there. I made new friends in China, friends I have brought back to the island. I finally feel like I’m a business student from what I learned in China. I got the balls to end what I had to end back home and never look back. I fell for someone in China amongst terra-cotta soldiers, great walls and trains to Shanghai…
So here I am back home and as I lie in this place by myself for the moment I realize that the reason I feel different, like I left something behind is because I did. I left the old me in China and came back a changed woman. With different hopes for my future and bigger dreams, because as a friend from the trip said to me last night “desde que fui para China, nada me sorprende” (more or less translated it means “since I went to China nothing surprises/amazes me.”) It was an unexpected trip that taught me to expect anything…
Several years ago, my wife and daugther and I took a summer vacation to the Indonesian Island of Bali. It was one of the most wonderful times in our lives. The natural environment was beautiful, the cultural arts and crafts were fascinating, and the food was delicious. After that experience, I decided that Bali is a great place to go on vacation.
First of all, the natural environment in Bali is gorgeous. Because of the many volcanoes on the island, there are several black sand beaches, which are amazing to look at and very soft to walk on. Also, there are waterfalls and rivers running through the Balinesian jungle that you can visit. In addition, Bali is traditionally a rice farming society, so you can see many terraced rice fields on the sides of the mountains. Finally you can pick delicious tropical fruit growing on trees, and see exotic animals, like monkeys and dolphins. Being in Bali is like being surrounded by nature all the time.
Also, the culture of Bali is unique and interesting, especially the arts, music, dance, and crafts. Bali is the home of the famous gamelan gong music, which is often played during colorful dance performances. It is a trance-like music which takes the listener into another world. In addition, many Balinese people are artists and craftsman, so you can kind many beautiful paintings, masks, furniture, and instruments for sale on the island. You'll never be bored in Bali!
Finally, the food in Bali shouldn't be missed, especially if you like colorful, spicy, and tropical foods. One of the most well known and popular dishes in Bali is nasi goreng, which is a fried, spicy rice dish served with shrimp chips. Another wonderful dish is satay, which is a grilled meat served with a spicy peanut sauce. It reminds me a little of yakitori in the way it looks. And if you like eating fruit, Bali is a fruit heaven. All kinds of tropical fruit dishes and juices can be found all over the island - great for staying cool and healthy in the hot sun.
As you can see, with such a beautiful natural environment, a rich and interesting culture, and lots of great food to eat, Bali is a great place to take a vacation. One of these days, I would like to return to Bali with my family and spend more time exploring the island and swimming in the ocean. I would also like to buy more art from Bali, since the art is unique and the artists could use the money! I hope that one day you can make it to Bali, too. Don't miss it.
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I've read several commentaries and a couple FriendFeed threads on the "controversial" New Yorker cover featuring Michelle "Angela Davis" and Barack "Osama Bin Laden" Obama (I won't bore you with a pic, it's everywhere). Try as I might, I can't get worked up about it. Perhaps because I'm old enough to remember real radicals? Even met a couple.
The Obamas are far from it. They are as about as upwardly mobile mainstream as it gets. Harvard, Hyde Park, big law firms, impressive political resumes. Remember?
And I think that's the point of the cover. It's so over the top as to be ridiculous.
I'm really trying here, but to say that this plays into the hands of virulent racists is beside the point. They're already virulent racists. This cover won't make them more racist.
As for what's being termed as "hipster racism" (or perhaps more accurately, "Hipster Smugness"), I'm familiar with the phenomenon. It's the coda of the post-ironic world. Everything is tired and passe. I get it. We're all rubes outside of New York.
But I don't get that from this cover, especially when it's juxtaposed against what I hear is one of the stronger themes of the article; namely, Barack Obama is a savvy political insider who cut his teeth on Chicago politics.
But perhaps I'm just not hip enough for the room.
You rock!
Can science explain why ABBA is so catchy?
So, I'm not the only one who is still hooked on the pop group ABBA. Maybe this article helps explain it's popularity.
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Anna became the Abbess of Quedlinburg in 1755, although she chose to spend most of her time in Berlin, where she devoted herself to music, and became known as a musical patron and composer. In 1758, she began a serious study of musical theory and composition, engaging as her tutor Johann Philipp Kirnberger, a student of Johann Sebastian Bach. She composed chamber music, such as flute sonatas, and wrote music to Ramler's Passion cantata "The Death of Jesus". This was also her favorite piece. Only a few of her works have survived, and it is highly likely that she destroyed many of her compositions. After all, she did described herself as being very self-critical person. In addition to that, princess Anna was also a collector of old music, preserving over 600 volumes of works by notables such as Johann Sebastian Bach, George Frideric Handel, George Philipp Telemann, and others. This act in itself was a significant contribution to Western culture. Her library was split between East Germany and West Germany after World War II, and despite serious damage by fire in 2004, still survives today.
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On Alternet, in the article "Is Cheating Ever OK", the author addresses the question:
If one partner refuses to have sex, does the other have the right to seek it elsewhere?
My response to this article follows below:
Perhaps the question should be "Should monogamy always be an unquestioned part of every intimate relationship", rather than, "Is 'cheating' ever OK?"
While monogamy isn't natural for human beings in general, some people have an easier time being monogamous than others. The intensity of libido, of sex drive, varies widely among people. Monogamy is, perhaps, easier among those with roughly matching sex drives, and easiest among those with moderate to low libidos, where variety and/or novelty isn't high on their list of sexual needs. With a couple where both partners have relatively low libidos, a sexual dry spell would not necessarily make them want to look elsewhere for sexual gratification. Monogamy tends to work well for such people.
But for those of us with moderately high to very high libidos and/or where variety and novelty is important, monogamy is akin to the restrictor plates that NASCAR uses at superspeedways to limit how fast the cars can go. That is, there's a lot of power (sex drive) being thwarted to keep it within socially accepted limits.
If yo
On Alternet, in the article "Is Cheating Ever OK", the author addresses the question:
If one partner refuses to have sex, does the other have the right to seek it elsewhere?
My response to this article follows below:
Perhaps the question should be "Should monogamy always be an unquestioned part of every intimate relationship", rather than, "Is 'cheating' ever OK?"
While monogamy isn't natural for human beings in general, some people have an easier time being monogamous than others. The intensity of libido, of sex drive, varies widely among people. Monogamy is, perhaps, easier among those with roughly matching sex drives, and easiest among those with moderate to low libidos, where variety and/or novelty isn't high on their list of sexual needs. With a couple where both partners have relatively low libidos, a sexual dry spell would not necessarily make them want to look elsewhere for sexual gratification. Monogamy tends to work well for such people.
But for those of us with moderately high to very high libidos and/or where variety and novelty is important, monogamy is akin to the restrictor plates that NASCAR uses at superspeedways to limit how fast the cars can go. That is, there's a lot of power (sex drive) being thwarted to keep it within socially accepted limits.
If you've got a couple with mismatched libidos, as described here, you've got a recipe for frustration for the one with the higher libido. Such couples may be well-matched otherwise, but the expectation of strict monogamy in such instances can ruin what was otherwise a good marriage.
Likewise, there are instances where one partner becomes chronically ill or disabled and is no longer able to have sex. Is it fair to expect the healthy partner to satisfied with "just cuddling" for the rest of their lives?
Another related sacred cow is that many people believe that sex and love must always go together; that the only "proper" reason to have sex is as a way to express love for one's partner. But in reality, people have sex for many different reasons in addition to love: to fill a physical need similar to eating, sleeping and so on, a stress reliever, they're horny, etc. I'm of the opinion that as long as sex is between consenting adult partners, there is no one "proper" justification for sex.
In addition to questioning the assumption that all intimate relationships must always be monogamous, no matter what, we need to question the assumption that the only proper reason to have sex is to express love for one's partner. Perhaps then, couples with mismatched libidos or those with a disabled partner who are otherwise happily married, could continue to be happily married without one partner being sexually frustrated.
Your thoughts?u've got a couple with mismatched libidos, as described here, you've got a recipe for frustration for the one with the higher libido. Such couples may be well-matched otherwise, but the expectation of strict monogamy in such instances can ruin what was otherwise a good marriage.
Likewise, there are instances where one partner becomes chronically ill or disabled and is no longer able to have sex. Is it fair to expect the healthy partner to satisfied with "just cuddling" for the rest of their lives?
Another related sacred cow is that many people believe that sex and love must always go together; that the only "proper" reason to have sex is as a way to express love for one's partner. But in reality, people have sex for many different reasons in addition to love: to fill a physical need similar to eating, sleeping and so on, a stress reliever, they're horny, etc. I'm of the opinion that as long as sex is between consenting adult partners, there is no one "proper" justification for sex.
In addition to questioning the assumption that all intimate relationships must always be monogamous, no matter what, we need to question the assumption that the only proper reason to have sex is to express love for one's partner. Perhaps then, couples with mismatched libidos or those with a disabled partner who are otherwise happily married, could continue to be happily married without one partner being sexually frustrated.
Your thoughts?
]]>I just came backfrom a friend of a friend of mine engagement party. I should be thankful to her to bring me as well, thank you Hannah=)
Ok lets me eloborate some more. Everybody begin to fill in the hall at 7 and I could only seeall women came in. NO bos. All of them greet each other with salam. I love looking at this, everybody loks so close with each other. What a wonderful kalimah, Assalamualaikum. I was mesmerized with all their arabic faces. All of them are so pretty that I cant take my eyes of them. Hannah and I only observe them from far and praised them, Subhanallah. Then the engagement ceremony started with a bride and groom walked in with a group of boys complete with their suit. All of them were singing ( in their own language) and diselitkan dengan selawat nabi. They were diiringi oleh paluan kompang (not really a kompang, but something that produced sound like that). All of them looks so happy and the atmosphere was so lively. All the girls were sitting at he table served with bottle of mineral water and juice with a bowl of nuts.
Then the ceremony continued with 4 boys performing their national dance; somekind of tap dance combined with the france dance from my point of view, then all boys join in together with the groom. I could say that they love singing and dancing so much from here, more or less like the indian as well. Later on the bride joins them and dance together. Now I wonder am I at the right ceremony? It is not a formal engagement like we have in Malaysia where the bride will sit politely waiting for the ring untuk disarungkan ke jari manis sebagai tanda pertunangan. But at least I learn a new thing.
Ok next all the boys went out and only girls stay in. Then I asked person next to me, what will happen next? She said that everybody will go wild. Wild? How wild it can be? Emm I wonder. Then some of the girls went to the toilet and taken out their tudung. There is no more black jubah on, all now are on their pretty dresses like what I saw in the movie. I was shocked. They completely changed. So we decided to walk out and heading back home before we saw unnecessary thing. But after all it is a good experience to learn about other culture.
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