I've been doing a lot of weeding at work recently (librarian lingo for
"going through books and tossing the stuff I don't like"). I'm working
in the 000-099 Dewey range, which is quite odd, especially before you
hit all the computer books in the 004s and 005s. If you're clueless & curious, you
can get an overview of the Dewey Decimal Classification system here
.
My favorite part of this antiquated way of classifying has always been
the 200s, where Christianity gets 220-290, and all other religions get
290-299. Take that, heathen scum!
In any case, in a moment of inspiration, I've decided to document some
of the more amusing/bizarre/perplexing books I came across. I'm sure no one's ever done that before!
Unfortunately, I don't have a catchy title for what likely will be a
continuing series of blog posts. I guess I'll tag them "weed party,"
the title of a boring Band of Horses song. Kind of stupid, I know. But, you know what? It's my blog, so piss off!
001.42: When in Doubt, Check Him Out. The cover of this book jumps out at you like the axe that Jason
threw in Friday the 13th Part 3. Wait a minute...I was 8 years old when
that movie came out. There's no way I actually saw it in 3D, right?
Whatever. In any case, the cover of this book is so chock full of crap,
that I feel like you're getting cheated by the small image above this
text. let me see if I can remedy that..
Could Joseph Culligan possibly fit more crap on the cover of his book? I'm pretty sure he stole those creepy eyes from one of John Sandford's Prey books. Plus, he's got a picture of himself on the cover (also on the spine), which 1) seems extremely egomaniacal, and 2) makes him look like someone who would actually beat up a woman.
So, the gist of this book is pretty simple: women should not trust men they've recently started dating. So, before things to too serious, it's time to start doing some background checks. Here is a sampling of chapter headings: Driving & Automobile Records; Divorce, Marriage, Birth & Death Records; Child Support Enforcement; Bankruptcy Records. This excerpt from the preface sums it up nicely:
Imagine how many of the readers of this book will be able to save themselves grief and heartache simply by using telephone numbers and Web addresses on pages 7-26 through 7-28 and finding out that your boyfriend and future son-in-law had been an inmate...or by checking his driving record to discover drunken driving charges...or by reviewing his divorce record to discover that he had abused his wife...
Wait a minute! He refers to "your boyfriend and future son-in-law." What the hell does that mean? I'm assuming there was supposed to be an "or" there.
In any case, Mr. Culligan basically encourages women to write letters to many different agencies all over the country, asking for information about their prospective boyfriend/husband. About 75% of the book is simply addresses. The best part of the book, though, is chapter 13: The Internet. It starts out with: "During the late 1960's, during the 'cold war,' nuclear war was foremost in our minds because of the military power of Russia." Ah, I see. You've intrigued me, Mr. Culligan- do go on! Joseph remembers air raid drills at school, and bomb shelters being built, you see. He lived it! Somehow this leads into a 4-page history of the Internet. Most of the chapter consists of a big list of websites. But first, completely out of the blue, are two pages devoted to:
Because everybody knows you can't look crap up on the Web without know that :$ means "mouth wired shut," and :6 means "eating something sour."
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